


Revamp

by CielPansyhive



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: AFAB Terms, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alois has no filter, Anal Sex, Angst, Anxiety, Biphobia, Blood and Injury, Bottom Ciel, Bottom Sebastian, Burlesque, Crossdressing, Depression, Drag Queens, Drug Use, Drunk Sex, Dubious Consent, Dysfunctional Family, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Gender Dysphoria, Happy Ending, Hate Crimes, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Monologue, Internalized Transphobia, Kinks, LGBT Pride, LGBTQ Themes, Light BDSM, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Menstruation, Misgendering, Multi, Oral Sex, SebaCiel - Freeform, Sexual Harassment, Slurs, Smut, Strap-Ons, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Suicide Attempt, Top Ciel, Top Sebastian, Trans Ciel, Trans Female Character, Trans Grell, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Vaginal Sex, as well as a couple background characters, boys crying, ftm ciel, lots of internal monologue from Ciel, non binary violet, original characters will be Seb's parents, terms for Ciel's anatomy may change as the story goes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-29 12:46:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14473053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CielPansyhive/pseuds/CielPansyhive
Summary: After Lizzie and Alois’s relationship becomes serious and they move in together, Ciel no longer has anyone to rent out his spare room to. Lizzie suggests that her co-worker Sebastian could move in. Ciel reluctantly agrees to rent out his room to Sebastian, they get along well enough. However Ciel has a few secrets. One, he is a trans man. Two, he’s had a crush on Seb ever since the first time he saw him. Sebastian grew up in a conservative family with his very bigoted, older brother Claude. When Ciel brings Seb to some of his favorite hang outs, namely a burlesque and drag club, he’s in for a surprise. Being new to the LGBT+ community Seb befriends a couple, Agni and Soma. Sebastian and Ciel face homophobia, transphobia, and find out what really makes a family.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you everyone for reading this! This is my first series, please don't judge it too harshly. I know it has themes that aren't everyone's cup of tea. Kudos & Comments welcome! You can check out my tumblr: https://cielpansyhive.tumblr.com/  
> I'd love questions about this AU or if you just want to follow me, that's cool. I'm also working on a supernatural SebaCiel AU
> 
> This features Trans! Ciel (if that's not your thing then don't read)  
> I will be using AFAB anatomical terms, also please check the warnings.

 

Lizzie let out a dramatic sigh as her green eyes flicked over the text on the screen.  Another house she was admiring just went off the market. That was the third one. She tried to fake a smile but Ciel saw through it.

“Let me guess, another house you were looking into just was sold?”

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal though,” Lizzie shrugged. “It was a little out of our price range anyways.” Ciel stretched out on his chair and yawned. “Oh, is my talk of houses boring you?” Lizzie teased as she set down her phone.

“No, just had a late night at the club, you know playing taxi for your boyfriend,” Ciel smirked. “He insisted on having ‘just a couple drinks with the girls’ after work.”

“You know that ‘a couple drinks’ means ‘I’m getting shit faced’ in Alois speak,” Lizzie laughed, her blonde curls bouncing. _Alois could drink anyone under the table. Damn stomach is a black hole!_

“I HEARD THAT!” Alois’s voice came from the hallway. He stumbled his way into the living room. His blonde hair sticking up in a series of spikes, eyeliner from the night before smudged over his face. “Someone give this guy some aspirin.” Lizzie got up to get some water and medication for her boyfriend. “Thanks babe.” She handed them off to Alois and they both sat on the couch. “You know I haven’t gone out in forever, everything I earn is going towards our future house.”

“You guys have more than enough for a nice place, especially if you go through my parents’ company. I know they’d get you a good deal. Lizzie just has to make up her mind,” Ciel huffed. It was true. The Phantomhives had their own real estate company. They were well known within and even outside of the state. With Lizzie being family they’d cut her a great deal. They let Ciel keep their old family home when they moved out to the city. It was paid in full. It was a good size, much better than an apartment, and it belonged all to Ciel since he turned 20. He let Alois live with him a year later. Then the past two years Lizzie crashed at their place more often than not.

“If we get a place that means Al won’t be renting your room anymore.”

“That’s okay, I can pay the bills by myself, I’ve done it before. It’s just utilities, electric…”

“That’s not the problem Ciel,” Lizzie butted in. She sighed, “I don’t like you living by yourself. I know how depressed you can get. I just would feel a lot better if someone lived with you.”

“I know, I’d have to get use to being alone again. I’ll be fine. I can’t keep having you guys put your lives on hold for me.” _I can’t keep being a burden._

“We’re not! Ciel you’ve been my best friend since grade school, me and Lizzie just worry about you! If we have to wait a while longer we will. Neither of us wants you to stay here alone.” _Or have me attempt suicide again, I guess that goes unspoken._

“Well who could I even rent my room out to? Both of you will be leaving, Soma and Agni already have a place together, I don’t really trust anyone else.” Ciel fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. He didn’t trust many people to begin with, but with his biggest secret he feared for his life. _I would have a better chance of surviving by myself_.

“I’m not moving out until we figure this out,” Alois crossed his arms. “If that means that Lizzie, me, and the future kids will all be living here, so be it.”

“Kids!?” Lizzie’s eyes widened comically. “No, I’m not ready for kids. Not thinking about them, discussing them, no.” The boys laughed. “Marriage first, hell pets first, then maybe kids.”

“Lizzie, you’d be a great mom, but I know, too early to talk about kids.” Ciel raised his hands defensively. “Seriously though, I can’t think of anyone I trust enough to let them live here. Violet is nice, but they’re a loner, they’d be uncomfortable and I’d be uncomfortable. It just wouldn’t work.”

“What about Sebastian?” Lizzie beamed.

“What!?” _Sebastian? My Sebastian? I mean Lizzie’s co-worker Sebastian? Six foot hunk of man with his dorky smile and hair that is always falling in front of his chiseled face. That Sebastian?_

“He’s been looking for a place, he’d be perfect!” Lizzie clapped her hands together and smiled. “He’s been complaining that it’s too hard on him to drive an hour to get to work and after a long day he hates having to drive another hour to get back home.  He needs to get a place in town, like say your place!” She looked so proud of herself. _He never told me any of this!_

“What happened to his apartment?”  

“He got kicked out, pet violation or something stupid.”

“Why do apartments have those rules anyways? That’s so stupid, getting kicked out of your apartment for a pet or two.” _Maybe I should get a pet, a dog, and then I technically wouldn’t be alone…_

“Actually, he had eleven cats…”

“Oh, well that is a bit excessive,” Ciel shook his head. Sebastian had always been cat obsessed; he should have seen that coming. _If it were possible Sebastian would probably carry a cat with him everywhere, just like those chicks with their little Chihuahuas in their pink velour suits._ _Why am I now picturing him in a pink track suit? He wouldn’t wear pink! Maybe some nice tight sweatpants…uh stop thinking of him!_

“He was only fostering, he has a heart of gold.”

“Sebastian this, Sebastian that,” Alois spat. “You two should start a fan club,” he rolled his eyes. “It’s enough I hear it from Ciel, but now my own girlfriend.”

“Oh you know I love you best,” Lizzie ruffled Alois’s hair and kissed him on his forehead. “I just think he’d be good for Ciel and they’d be cute together.” _We’d be cute together?_

“Do I have any say in this, maybe I don’t want to be with him,” Ciel bluffed.

“Oh, well seeing as you’re not into him…you can just tell him your room isn’t for rent when he stops by.”

“Stops by? Here? Now?” Ciel jumped off his seat and started pacing. “Why didn’t you say something earlier? I’m still in my boxers for god’s sake! I have to get dressed!” Before he could run to his room Lizzie stopped him.

“No, he’s not coming over,” she started laughing and held her sides. “He’s at work all day, but see you do like him!” Ciel glared and sat back down.

“I just don’t get it,” Alois shrugged. “I mean he seems nice but what’s so special about him.”

“You don’t like guys so you have no opinion,” Ciel stated. _He is a Greek god you dolt! Besides what is there to NOT like about him? He’s kind and understanding, fun to talk to…_

“I mean he looks nice, like how a statue looks nice but I just don’t get it.”

“Yeah ‘cause you’re only attracted to girls.”

“I can find guys attractive! I’d go gay for Brad Pitt.”

“Such a straight guy answer,” Ciel huffed. “Every straight guy says they’d go gay for Brad Pitt. I don’t know why, I’m not into him.”

“Yeah, I’m not either,” Lizzie agreed. “What is it about him? Maybe it’s the longer hair?”

“True, but why not Johnny Depp then? Maybe the tattoos are a turn off…” Ciel contemplated.

“Okay, quit trying to analyze my kind,” Alois got up and grabbed Ciel’s phone. He unplugged it from the charger and threw it at him. “In all seriousness I’m with Lizzie. Sebastian is a nice guy, you’ve liked him since you first saw him, you already have this weird connection to him, and I think you’d get along great. Text him!” _Yeah, well you have a weird connection in your head! I should have said that. We do seriously have something, though I’m not sure what._

“But…” Ciel looked down at his phone and frowned. “What if he finds out I’m trans. He won’t like me anymore. He’ll think I’m a freak.” Lizzie leaned over and hugged him. Alois kissed the top of his head.

“He won’t find out, you’re careful. Besides even if he did he wouldn’t think any less of you. You definitely are not a freak.” _Well sometimes I feel like a freak._

“Lizzie thinks he has a bit of a crush on you too,” Alois let out.

“What? No he doesn’t!” Ciel swatted them both away.

“He so does!” she exclaimed. “He’s nice to everyone and smiles a lot, but he always smiles the biggest when you stop by. Just text him! See if he wants to grab lunch tomorrow, I know he’s not scheduled to work.”

“Okay, I will,” he stood up and hugged them both again. “Now you two go looking at houses or whatever, I’ve got to get ready for work.” Ciel walked to his room and shut the door. _Lizzie really thinks he might like me? No he couldn’t, things like that don’t happen to me._ He sighed, as much as he dreaded texting Sebastian it wasn’t near as dreadful as getting dressed. “Come on Ciel, you can do it. Just send the text and get dressed, it’s not that hard. You’re not going to hear that deep sexy voice of his…” _Oh god now I’m more nervous!_ He pulled up Sebastian’s number and hit message.

 ** _‘Hey Seb, this is Ciel, Lizzie’s cousin. I was wondering if you’d like to go out for lunch with me tomorrow. If not, no big deal, just wanted to talk to you about something.’_** Send. _Maybe I should have added a smiley face, I made it sound so serious…oh well._ He threw his phone on the bed and started getting his clothes together. He did some stretches for his arms and back before struggling to get into his binder. _Every morning…one of these days I’ll get stuck in this, and then I’ll die._ After some more wiggling he pulled the binder into the right position and pulled a navy blue shirt on over it. He slid on some skinny jeans and laced up his creepers. He did a once over in his full length mirror, put his phone in his back pocket, and headed out. “Bye, see you guys tonight, unless you’re staying at Lizzie’s.”

“Bye C! Text us as soon as you hear back from Sebastian!”

Work was uneventful; it usually was at the library. Finny was checking out books at the counter and Ciel was putting books back on the shelves. There were a few people using the computers, clicks of the mouse could be heard every now and then. A buzz in Ciel’s pocket shook him out of his trance. ‘New message’ was displayed across the screen. He opened it.

 ** _‘Hi Ciel, that sounds nice. How does 1 sound?’_** _He said yes? He said yes!_ Ciel danced around and giggled. He probably got a few stares but he didn’t care, he had a lunch date.

 ** _'T_ _hat works for me! Want to go to the new café by your work?’_** Send. _What if I responded too fast? Too eager?_  Seconds later his phone buzzed again.

 _ **'Awesome! See you then. :)**_ ** _‘_** _A smile._ Seb sent him a smile. He could have been at work for eight hours and not have even known. All he could think of was his date with Sebastian. He sent a quick text to Lizzie and Alois saying that he was going to lunch with Sebastian tomorrow. He couldn’t have been more excited or nervous. He started to reminisce when he first met Sebastian.

Ciel had just picked up lunch for Lizzie. _Maybe this will cheer her up._ She had been complaining to Alois and Ciel how hard work was the past week. She had to train three new employees. While she was training she couldn’t supervise any of the other workers, which meant slackers could slack. In one day a bird got loose in the store, a few fish died, and all the habitats for small animals were filthy. Most days she’d stay over, off the clock, just to make sure all the animals were taken care of. Ciel entered the pet store and found no one at the register. _How odd, there’s always someone here._ He looked at the fish wall, still no one to be found. He turned the corner and almost bumped into someone carrying a large bag of dog food.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” he spat out quickly. He couldn’t see the person’s face over the bag, just long sturdy legs.

“It’s okay I should have watched where I was going,” the person set down the bag of dog food on the shelf. Ciel eyed the toned arms and traveled up to see a dazzling smile on the man’s face. “Hi, do you need help finding anything?” He smoothed his ebony locks back and pushed his glasses back in position. _Oh, he must be one of the new workers! I would have remembered him._

“Hi, I’m Ciel. I uh…brought Lizzie a lunch,” he stuttered out. _He’s pretty cute._

“How nice, perfect timing too, she’s going on break in a few minutes,” he took in Ciel’s appearance. Bright blue hair, blue sweater with a rainbow stripe across it, skinny ripped up jeans. His frame was tiny, small boned, the complete opposite of Sebastian. “You’re Lizzie’s…boyfriend?” he tried.

“Oh, no no I’m her cousin,” he blushed. _Why am I so nervous? Calm down!_

“Oh, you’re her cousin. Are you as passionate about animals as her?”

“Oh yes! I mean…I don’t have any of my own currently, but I love animals!” Sebastian smiled even more, a genuine smile that made his eyes twinkle. _Okay, he’s really cute!_

“That’s wonderful! Why don’t you follow me to the break room? My name is Sebastian by the way. I guess I should have started with that. I’m still getting use to everything. I’ve never worked in retail before. I know I’ll love it here already, taking care of all the animals, and your cousin is really nice!” he turned and Ciel followed him towards the back of the store. Ciel was glad he was doing most of the talking. _He has a nice ass, even in those ugly khakis…_

“So where is everyone else?” he had to ask. Sebastian stopped walking and turned around _. I totally wasn’t just checking you out! Nope! Not I! See eyes are up…my god those biceps are nice!_

“Pardon?”

“You’re the first person I saw. There’s no one at the register or fish wall.” Nervous sweat prickled at his skin.

“Oh,” he blinked. “Lizzie will not be happy, this has been happening all week.” They continued on to the break room and found Lizzie pouting at a table. “Hey Lizzie, Ciel informed me no one was on the floor.” She went to get out of her chair. “No, no, you need to take your break! I’ll cover the register for now,” he smiled and walked away. Ciel finally felt like he could relax again, he sat down across from Lizzie and slid the bag of food towards her. She perked up.

“Awww! Thank you Ciel!” she shuffled through the bag and pulled out a large chocolate chip cookie. She took a chunk out of it and smiled. “If it weren’t for you and Sebastian I’d lose my mind! Finally we have another great worker! He’s caught on so fast and actually cares about the animals! It’s so refreshing.”

“Speaking of Sebastian…why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”   _You know what!_

“That you not only have a new co-worker, but a smoking hot co-worker!” She giggled at that.

“Why? Is he your type?”

“I…I don’t know,” he threw his hands up. “Maybe.” Lizzie gave a knowing look. “Probably, come on Lizzie! I’m not exactly Mr. Dateable here! I don’t know what my type even is! All I know is he’s hot!”

“I would have, I’ve just been too stressed to even remember mentioning it. Besides, I don’t want Al getting jealous. If I start talking about some other cute guy he’d flip out.”

“True, still you could have warned me,” he chuckled. “I look like a scrub dog today,” he motioned to his ripped jeans.

“You look fine, don’t worry,” she moved on to her sandwich.

“Where did he come from anyway? I know we didn’t go to school with him but he doesn’t look that much older than us.”

“He isn’t much older than you, he moved here with his parents sometime after he graduated high school.”

“Oh, well I’m surprised I’ve never ran into him before.”

“Ciel, face it you’re a hermit. You’ll never meet anyone new if you just stay at home.”

“I go out!” he defended. “Well to the club…and work.”

“And you’ll get the same crowd, same people. You need to spread your wings and fly!” she smiled. “Even if it’s just dropping lunch off for me more often, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.”

“I might have to do that,” he mused. _I need to get to know this guy more._

Since then Ciel had indeed ‘dropped off lunch’ for Lizzie more often. Sometimes the lunch was something he picked up special for her, most of the time it was a sloppy peanut butter and jelly sandwich, just an excuse to come in and ogle at Sebastian. He would have never guessed two years later he’d be asking him to room with him.

 

****

  

Sebastian had just got out of work. A nine hour day on the cash register was not his idea of fun. He loved working with all the animals and had great co-workers. However, some of the customers were just so irritating. He would explain everything in depth and try to be as friendly as possible, but you just can’t please everyone. _I’m sorry but in order to ‘get one free’ you must also buy one. That’s why it’s BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE. It’s not just ‘get one free,’ I know you must have shopped somewhere else and seen this before. How do you not understand this concept?_ He turned on his car and let the radio play. He needed to relax some before he started his long way back to his parents’ house. He was grateful his parents let him stay with them for the time being. After he got kicked out of his apartment, he had nowhere else to go. All his foster cats had to return to the shelter. He really needed to get another place in town, even if he still couldn’t foster cats, at least he wouldn’t have a 2 hour drive, there and back, every time he worked. He pulled out his phone and saw a message from a number he didn’t recognize. He opened it to see Ciel’s message. _Ciel_ , he smiled. ‘ _Ciel, Lizzie’s cousin,’ do you really think I know any other Ciels? Better question, why did it take so long for us to text each other?_ He always loved when the petite boy would come in. He could tell Ciel was intimidated by him, most people were, but even so he tried to make conversation with him. He was a lot less shy than how he started. At first Ciel would barely say a few sentences, blush, and then leave. Now he sometimes saw him during his breaks and they’d talk the whole time. They usually talked about animals, music, whatever the latest news was. He thought of one of his favorite memories, it was about a year and a half after first meeting Ciel.

Ciel came in to visit during Sebastian’s break. Ciel was wearing a bracelet, it was a simple black cord with a big silver piece, and on the silver were three stripes pink, purple, and blue. Ciel never wore much jewelry besides his earrings, so it caught Sebastian’s eye.

“That’s a cool bracelet, I like it,” he smiled. Immediately Ciel‘s eyes lit up.

“Do you know the meaning of it?” _Meaning? Like one of those cancer ribbons? Or other causes? I can’t think of any that use three colors._

“I don’t, what does it stand for?”

“It’s a pride bracelet!” he stated happily.

“Pride?”

“Yeah, like…umm…gay pride uses rainbows, well other sexualities use different colors.” _I never knew that! I knew the rainbows, but not that there’s other representative colors! I wonder what my colors would be!_

“Oh, cool,” he nodded. “What do these colors represent then?”

“Bisexual pride, so that means I like the opposite gender and…” His heart fluttered.  _He’s bi too? I’m not alone? He trusts me enough to tell me?_

“Your own?” they smiled at each other. “Me too.”  

“Really? But you didn’t know the bi pride colors?”

“To be honest you’re the only other person I know who is bi,” he shrugged. “Where I came from there were a few gay people, but I only found out what being bisexual was from an old book at a library. There could have been others but no one even said the word bi. It was always just gay or straight. It was pretty confusing for me.”

“Yeah, I think it’s like that most places,” he sighed. Sebastian tapped the bracelet.

“Where did you find that? I’d like to wear our colors proudly too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’m…what’s the word? ‘Out?’” Ciel nodded. “Okay, I’m ‘out’ to everyone, I always have been, it’s just not something that comes up often in conversation. It took a while but I am proud of who I am and I want people to know. Maybe I can help others one day, let them know that they’re perfectly normal and not ‘confused’ or ‘in a phase.’” _I wish I had someone to tell me that…_

“Okay, I’ll get you a bracelet then!” Ciel was so excited, not only to get him a gift but that he could tell Alois that his ‘gaydar’ worked perfectly fine and that Sebastian did indeed like guys. In a few weeks Ciel came back with a matching bracelet for Sebastian. He wore it whenever he wasn’t working. He was too scared of it getting caught on something at work, especially when he was cleaning fish tanks. He felt a bond; a friendship grew after that day. He always had wanted to hang out with Ciel outside of work, to really get to know him, but he didn’t want to make things weird, especially sense he still had to work with Lizzie. _What if I end up flirting with him and he doesn’t like me. I know he likes guys and he likes talking to me but what if that’s all there is? What if he thinks I’m desperate? I haven’t dated any guys before, but it’s not just that. I really like him, his personality, his laugh, his spiky blue hair, his kindness to others, people and animals._

He read the message a few times to make sure what he read was right. _He wants to get lunch with me outside of work? He wants to talk?_ He quickly typed out a reply and was greeted with another fast text. _He seems excited, oh good he picked the place. I hate picking out places, too much stress. I wonder what he wants to talk about..._  He typed out his last text before he started the way towards home. _Shit! I sent a smiley! What if that was too much? I just made things weird!  It’s not like this is a date…maybe it is a date? Well a lunch date, with two friends…me and that adorable boy I have liked from the moment I saw him…just so different from everyone else…shit I’m nervous!_ That night Sebastian spent two hours figuring out what to wear.

 

****

 

The afternoon sun was bright, but the light breeze made it a little chilly. It was perfect jacket weather, Ciel’s favorite type of day. He wore a denim jacket over a black, high v-neck t-shirt. _I look good, I’m confident, this will be simple._ He easily spotted Sebastian, his tall frame sporting a white button down shirt, covered in little black cat faces. He was wearing tight black trousers, instead of his usual work khakis. _Fuck he looks handsome! I’m not confident, I can’t do this!_ Ciel fought the urge to turn around and head back to his car and smiled nervously, Sebastian smiled back. _Shit, I knew I over dressed,_ thought Sebastian. Ciel looked down at his faded black jeans, which were more grey than black now a days. _Shit, I under dressed._

“Hey Ciel! How’s it going?” Sebastian held the door open for him. They walked into the café and got in line.

“Uh…pretty good!” _Come on, say something more. Say something interesting._ “Have you been here before?” _Wow, that’s all you could come up with? He’s looking at me, really looking at me…like a freaking hawk. Why is this line taking forever? This is so awkward. I’m not used to seeing him out of work clothes and in the wild. ‘In the wild?’ What is he a giraffe? I can’t even keep my thoughts together, how am I going to talk to him?_

“I haven’t, I’m glad you picked here.” Sebastian took his glasses off and cleaned them on his shirt. They weren’t smudged, but it was a nervous habit he had. It made talking to people a little easier if he didn’t have to look them in the eye.

“So I heard you lost your apartment,” Ciel said quietly. The line moved up slowly.

“Yeah, it was my fault. I wasn’t allowed any pets and I had multiple ones. But my parents are letting me stay with them temporarily.”

“Lizzie said you had like eleven cats?” Ciel raised his eyebrows, still in disbelief that there were that many.

“More like fifteen,” Sebastian chuckled and put his glasses back on. Ciel just stared, trying to figure out if he was joking or not. They were next to order. They grabbed their sandwiches and tea and found a seat next to the window.

“You really had fifteen?” He took a bite out of his sandwich. His nerves were settling now they were seated. _Okay this is familiar, seated, eating lunch, just like usual. Calm down._

“Yup!” Sebastian smiled. “Not all of them were full grown. I had a momma cat and her kittens. They were so adorable!” His eyes sparkled, they always did when he talked about cats. “One of them was an exact copy of the momma! I called her mini me, ugh just so cute!” _He’s such a dork._

“Where are they now? I’m sure your folks don’t want that many cats,” he laughed.

“Most of them are back at the shelter or at the store to get adopted out. I got homes for a few of them already though,” he stated proudly.

“That’s wonderful Seb!” They continued eating their lunch in a comfortable silence. Soft music was playing in the background. When they finished Sebastian broke the silence.

“Did you want to go out for lunch just to talk about cats?” Ciel bit his lip and fiddled with his thumbs. _Come on, you can do this! Just ask him to move in, simple!_

“Actually, I wanted to talk about…er-how’s living with your folks?”

“It’s okay, not ideal, but its better than being on the streets,” he shifted in his seat. “I love my parents, but I don’t think they expected me coming back and living with them at my age. When Claude was my age he was already way in another state, he hasn’t moved back since. Hell, he hardly ever visits any of us,” he frowned.

“Is Claude your brother?” _He sounds like an asshole._

“Yeah, I haven’t seen him in person in a couple years,” he sighed. “It’s probably for the best though. We never got along. We’ve actually been closer now that there’s some distance between us, if that makes any sense.” Ciel nodded sympathetically. _Yep, total asshole._

“I know what you mean. A lot of my family doesn’t really see eye to eye…but that’s not important,” he waved off. “Lizzie told me that it takes you an hour to get to work now.”

“Yeah! It sucks! I’m out in the country now. If I need something, like just some milk, I have to drive all the way out here and then drive all the way back. Doing that drive after working all day, it’s wearing me out.”

“You need to get a place in town…and,” he cleared his throat and looked down at the table. “I’m looking for someone to rent my room out to,” he mumbled.

“What was that?” Ciel looked up and locked eyes with Sebastian for one of the first times today.

“Lizzie and Alois are looking to get their own house. They’ve been together for a couple years now. They really should have their own place. When Al leaves, I’ll have an empty room a-and I wanted to offer it to you. I wouldn’t charge you much for rent, just enough to help with the bills and maybe food.”

“Are you serious!?” Sebastian slammed his palms on the table, his eyes wide. Ciel jumped back and spilt his tea all over his shirt. “Oh I’m so sorry!” Sebastian stood up so fast he almost knocked the whole table over. He ran and grabbed a bunch of napkins from a dispenser. He kneeled next to Ciel and began frantically rubbing at his shirt. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I just got so excited!” _Apparently so! You big moron, but I never could get mad at you. Why are you cleaning me up? I’m not a child! People are looking at us weird…_

“It’s fine, I can clean up…” Ciel blushes. Sebastian stopped and looked embarrassed.

“Right, sorry…” he stood up and moved back to his seat. Ciel wiped at his shirt a little more before crumpling up the rest of the napkins.

“No worries, it’s black, a stain won’t show up,” he smiled. _I hope it didn’t soak through to my binder…now that will stain._

“So you’re serious?”

“Yeah, I mean I’m in town and looking for a roommate more or less. You’re looking for a place in town. I thought I’d offer it to you. I don’t like the idea of opening my house up to a stranger. I’ve been burned by craigslist before.”

“Thank you Ciel! Thank you! This is perfect!” Sebastian grabbed his hand and started shaking it. “I love my parents and all, but I need to get out of there! When do you want me to move in?”

“Wow…uh…next month okay?” Sebastian’s face fell. “Or earlier…later? Alois can always live with Lizzie for the time being if you’re ready to move in soon. He’s living with her half of the time anyways.”

“How about the beginning of June? I’ll help Alois move too if he needs anything,” he volunteered.

“In two weeks?” he swallowed. “Yeah, no that works out fine.” _He’s really moving in with me? What am I doing? This could go bad, really bad._ He looked into his warm brown eyes. _No, this is Seb. He’s a kind person…he’s not like others around here. He’s different._ “Let’s do this.” Seeing the smile on Seb’s face, he knew he made the right decision.


	2. Chapter 2

“Whew! That’s it!” Sebastian loaded the last box into Lizzie’s car. “You sure you don’t need help unloading at your place?”

“Oh no, you’ve done more than enough!” Lizzie gushed. “Thanks again Sebastian! I think Al has even more junk than I do! I never knew a guy with so much clothes!”

“Hey! Some of this is yours too you know!” Alois struggled to shut the trunk. “You forget you’ve been half way living with me and C too!” Slam! “Okay, got it!” he chirped. He opened the driver’s side door for Lizzie. “Thanks dude!”

“Bye! We’ll stop by sometime soon, if not I’ll see you at work!” she waved.

“See ya Liz!” Sebastian smiled. He watched them drive off. He picked his water bottle off the ground and chugged whatever water was left. It wasn’t too terribly hot out, but with hauling all those heavy boxes Sebastian worked up a sweat. He walked into the house to find Ciel sprawled out on the couch, fanning himself with some junk mail. He had on little blue shorts and a tank top. His long cobalt blue bangs were clipped up, he looked absolutely miserable. His face was pink and he was sweating as if _he_ had just helped move Alois. “Hey, you feeling okay?” Ciel looked up just as Sebastian was wiping his face with his shirt. He caught a glimpse of sculpted abs. _Bring on the heat. I’ll deal, just as long as I can see more of him. I thought his arms were nice, I didn’t know he had killer abs too! Hell if having a heat stroke means I can see him shirtless, totally worth it._  Sebastian only owned a few tank tops. Most fell short on his long torso, lifting up with the smallest movement, and had something animal related printed on it. He would get them from all the shelter events he had helped out at.  He was wearing a black one with a white paw print on it.

“I’m just hot,” Ciel complained. “I’m not use to this weather yet.” _And this binder is hot and itchy, but I have to wear it. What am I going to do in July? Crank the air conditioning I guess._

“It’s really not that hot, besides you didn’t even lift a finger to help Alois move.”

“You volunteered to help him not I,” he smirked. Sebastian shook his head and headed towards the fridge. He pulled out two cold water bottles and handed one to Ciel. “Thanks.”

“Seriously, you’re not sick are you?” he looked worried. “I’d hate for either of us to get sick, we haven’t even celebrated us rooming together.”

“Celebrate? Like what go out and get drunk or something?” he sat up so Sebastian had room to sit next to him. _I probably shouldn’t drink around him. He’s so gorgeous I probably wouldn’t be able to keep my hands to myself…that could end badly…_

“Only if that’s what you want,” he chuckled. “I was thinking more of us getting dinner somewhere nice or I could cook something.” Ciel perked up at that.

“You cook?” _He just keeps getting better! Please don’t let him have some deep dark secret…what if he’s secretly a murder? Wasn’t Ted Bundy supposedly charming? What if he cooks people? He’s too perfect. Something has to be wrong with him. No one is that amazing!  He could be a soul sucking demon for all I know! Are there really demons? Nah, I’m just spiraling into nonsense. Damn anxiety! Lizzie wouldn’t set me up like that…besides I’m a good judge of character. I’ve known him for two years, he’s not a weirdo. I’m just being paranoid._

“Ciel are you listening?”

“Huh?”

“I asked when you work this weekend. Are you sure you’re okay?” he felt Ciel’s forehead.

“Yeah I’m fine,” he shrugged. “I close both Friday and Saturday, but we always close early on the weekend.”

“Perfect! I’m off Friday! I’ll make us dinner!” he smiled.

“Awesome! I didn’t know you cooked. So is it like a hobby or just something you got use to doing when you lived by yourself?”

“I always liked cooking, when I was little I would bake with my mom all the time. When I got older I started cooking meals with my dad. I guess my parents both have a love for food,” he smiled. “I have so many great recipes from both of them.”

“You’re really close to your parents aren’t you?” _I wish I could say the same._ Sadness flashed across Ciel’s face but was quickly replaced with a neutral expression. Sebastian noticed but decided not to bring it up.

“Yeah, that’s why it worked out great with me staying with them. But that drive was so stressful, a few times when I closed the store I thought I was going to fall asleep behind the wheel.”

“Thank god you didn’t!” Ciel eyed the boxes stacked in the corner of the living room. “Do you need any help with unpacking? I doubt you’d want to spend the first night here on a naked mattress,” his eyes widened. “Bare mattress!” he corrected. _Why did I say naked? Maybe him naked on the mattress…no, stop that thought right there! This is going to be harder than I thought…naked, hard, please just do something unattractive to break me out of this cycle! I’m sexually frustrated and you’re not helping! Neither is this heat._

“No it’s okay, I got it,” he smirked. _NOT HELPING!_ He got up and started transporting the boxes to what would be his room. “Wow! This is nice!” Ciel waited until all the boxes were moved before he walked into the bed room. “Seriously! My room at my parents’ was like half this size!”

“My parents added on a couple rooms to the house before they gave it to me. They wanted to make sure I was set up good, be it if I ever had a…spouse and…and kids,” he shuttered. Sebastian laughed.

“Not looking to having kids anytime soon then?” he teased.

“No!” _I couldn’t handle getting pregnant. That would just kill me. Maybe I could adopt. Do I even want kids? Why am I worried about making my parents happy? They never cared about my happiness. Well at least my dad doesn’t seem to._

“My parents have been badgering me too,” he sighed. “They would be worse with my brother if they ever talked to him. Mid 30’s with no children? Yeah they’d have a lot to say! With me it’s always, ‘Son you’re 27, where’s the wife and kids? You should be on your second kid by now,’ and I always tell them ‘For one I might not end up with a girl and two kids come after I’ve settled down.’ It never seems to stop them from asking time to time though.”

“Oh,” Ciel frowned. “Your parents don’t support you liking men either?” _I thought he said they got along well…I know that’s something that’s really important to Seb._

“No they do, they just are forgetful. I never talk about guys I’m interested in around them, it's just too awkward. Is that why you’re not close with your parents?” he had to know now. He stopped taking things out of the boxes and walked over to Ciel.

“I never said…”

“You didn’t have to,” he squeezed Ciel’s shoulder and gave a warm smile. “You never talk about any family besides Lizzie, and just now how asked if my parents didn’t support me either, I figured there was a rift between you and them. You know they do love you right? I mean, if they didn’t they wouldn’t have cared about setting you up with this place.” Ciel’s eyes started to water. _You don’t even know the half of it._

“I know, sometimes it’s just hard to remember that when I see them,” he wiped at his eyes. “Especially with how Vincent acts,” he sobbed. Sebastian wrapped his arms around his tiny body and hugged him tight.

“Remember this, I support you, Lizzie supports you, Alois supports you, I can say this without any doubt. I know there are others. My parents would support you too if you met them, okay? You’re not alone.” Ciel tried to stop the tears but after hearing Sebastian he couldn’t help but cry. He buried his face in his strong chest; shaking hands clung to the back of his shirt. _Great, his first day here and I’m crying like a baby. Now he’ll think there’s something wrong with me. It’s just all this talk of parents, the heat, him moving, it’s just too much for me to take in. How he said that…was he bullied too?  Does he understand what I’ve went through? What I still go through? This is the first time he’s hugged me... This…this is nice. I feel safe, protected.  Somehow I feel better._

“Thank you Seb,” he sniffled and finally let go of him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to flood your room before you even finished unpacking,” he laughed. _I probably made him feel awkward. Stupid emotions, I probably undid all the work I put into this friendship. Too much too soon. I knew this was a bad idea! Why did I let Lizzie talk me into this? ‘It’ll be fine Ciel,’ not if I freak him out on the first day!_

“No, don’t feel bad. Crying isn’t a sign of weakness, if you need to cry then cry. Sometimes it’s the strongest thing you can do,” he smiled. “My mom taught me that and I consider her one of the smartest people I know.”

“So I didn’t just make everything weird?” he mumbled. _His parents sound nice, I’d like to meet them one day._

“Nope, you’re just being human. Nothing wrong with that,” he reassured. Ciel nodded.

“Not a lot of people think like you, especially guys around here.”

“Well that’s why I’m here with you and not with them,” he started taking items out of boxes again. Ciel joined in and started putting some of Sebastian’s clothes in the dresser. “I think we’re very like minded, it’s a shame we didn’t meet earlier. Probably would have saved us both a lot of pain. Or at least we’d be miserable together. But hey, now we have all the time in the world to hang out.” Ciel started giggling. “What? What’s so funny?” He held up a pair of grey socks that had little black cats on them. “So?”

“Cat obsessed moron,” he laughed and Sebastian shook his head.

“You know how to ruin the moment,” he started laughing too. They continued to unpack and their conversation went back to their normal topics. Ciel kept a running total of how many cat themed items Sebastian owned. When Sebastian asked how many his only reply was, ‘too many.’ He showed Sebastian around the house, his bed room, right across from Sebastian’s, the bathroom, and laundry room. The office, which Sebastian was more than welcome to use, Ciel’s studio, where he did most of his painting, the floor was covered in splatters of various colors. “I didn’t know you made art! Why didn’t you tell me?” Ciel shrugged.

“I don’t do it all that often anymore, besides it’s not like I was that good.” Sebastian studied the large painting hanging in the hallway. It had a Victorian style birdcage, a variety of colorful birds, and vibrant roses.

“You made that right?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s beautiful! I could see that in a museum!”

“Oh it’s not that good,” he rolled his eyes.

“I mean it! Why did you stop painting?”

“I just haven’t been inspired lately I guess.” _Depression does that._ “I once had a dream of just making art for a living, pretty silly huh? I took a few art classes, I think after being forced to make something and within their guidelines, it just takes some of the fun out of it.”

“I still think you could make a living at it. Just look at what you’ve painted here!” he gestured at the bird painting. “You have such talent! I hope you get inspired again soon.” _I might, I might have found my muse. I feel like I can do anything with you by my side._ “Do you think um…maybe you could show me some basics of painting? I’ve always wanted to try it, but I wanted to learn from someone who really knows what they’re doing. You don’t have to, I’m sure a lot of people ask and it’s probably annoying…”

“You want to paint? With me?” _No one’s ever asked to learn from me or paint with me, just to make art for them._ He nodded and his eyes sparkled, that same sparkle he got when cats were mentioned. “Yeah, we could paint something sometime.”

“Awesome!”

 

That night they ordered pizza and put some old horror movies on. Ciel was less on edge, already getting use to having Sebastian in his house. Sebastian started on his second pizza, after devouring a whole large one by himself.

“You weren’t kidding that we needed more than two pizzas!” Ciel laughed. _Where does he put it all away at?_

“I don’t always eat this excessively,” he defended. “I did a lot of lifting today. Usually one pizza is enough for me, but right now I need to refuel.”

“Whatever you say,” he smiled. _You’re cute. It’s okay if you’re a pig._ “So, what do you usually do in your free time? If you ever want friends over you’re more than welcome to all hang out here.” _Not that I want strangers around, but if they’re anything like Seb I’m sure they’d be fine._

“Uh…I’m pretty boring.” _Really now? You boring? You’re being modest._ “Most of my friends are back home and the few I have here…some have moved away and others are just too busy.”

“So you don’t hang out with anyone?” _And Lizzie calls me a hermit!_

“Well,” he scratched the back of his head. “I hang out with the cats at the shelter.”

“Really?” _Cats? I was talking about people Seb! Though I wouldn’t mind visiting the shelter sometime._

“I know, it sounds weird. But there are just so many cats and they need to be socialized just like people do. They need companionship. I can’t take them all home, so I just visit as often as I can.”

“You do love cats. You know, after a while if you want, I would be fine with getting a cat or two.” Sebastian’s face lit up.

“Really?”

“Just a couple! Not like 50 of them!” he added quickly, remembering the reason Sebastian got kicked out in the first place.

“That would be nice, we’d have to pick out the cat together, I want them to love us both and bond with us equally.”

“Okay, it’s a deal,” he nodded. “So other than cats, what else are you into?”

“It’s kind of embarrassing," he blushed, "but I really like fashion.” _How is that embarrassing?_ “I even run a fashion blog, nothing big or original. It’s not something I’d go around telling people about. Actually you’re the only person I’ve told.”

“What wrong with liking fashion?”

“It’s not exactly the most masculine thing to be interested in…people get weird ideas when a guy is way into fashion.”

“So? If you like it and you’re a man can’t it be a masculine interest then? Why worry about what other people label things?” _Ugh, I’m such a hypocrite! All I ever worry about is what others think of me! I’m terrified of coming off as feminine at all! Why can’t I take my own advice?_

“I never really thought of it that way…”

“Alois LOVES fashion, Lizzie wasn’t kidding about his wardrobe. He easily has three times as much clothes as her!” he laughed. “He probably even follows your blog without even knowing it.”

“You and Alois grew up different than I did,” he faltered. “Then again I know you’ve had your own shit to deal with…sorry I didn’t mean to bring up family issues. So how did you and Alois meet anyways?”

“We had first grade together, I was really shy and he was so outgoing. He helped me out a lot. We’ve been best friends since then, he’s just always been there for me.”

“So you knew him before he started dating Lizzie?”

“Yeah, I’m surprised it took them so long to start dating. They were just perfect for each other. I don’t know if they were worried about what would happen if they broke up, seeing as I’m friends with them both. But I can’t recall them ever having any serious arguments even just as friends.”

“Sometimes people over think things, I know I do,” he smirked. “I’ve been in a similar situation, but I think it could work out fine.”

“Oh?” _Does that mean he likes someone? It’s probably a co-worker or someone at the shelter…wait, Lizzie did say she thought he liked ME! He couldn’t, no. What could he see in me?_

“Never mind,” he shook his head. “I embarrassed myself. You should tell me something about yourself now.” _Shit!_

“Umm…okay, you know I like painting…I like reading.”

“I hope you would, being surrounded by books all day,” he snorted.

“I like going out clubbing every once and a while…”

“Clubbing? Like bar hopping?” Ciel brought his hand to his face. _Seb! Come on, I’m classier than that!_

“No! Like going to a club, just one club, but a fun one and dancing. I dance really, really bad but as long as I have a few drinks in me I’ll dance to anything.”

“Oh? So you have a wild streak in you?” he mused. “We should go out for drinks then!”

“Yeah, that would be fun!” _As long as I don’t end up flirting with him. Why did I tell him I like clubbing? Alcohol and men are a bad combination for me._ “It’s getting late, don’t you work tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I better head to bed then,” he got up and put away what was left of the pizza. They both retired to bed, Sebastian seemed to fall asleep fairly fast. Ciel laid in bed, unable to shut his brain off. _First night was fairly successful. I didn’t scare him off with my emotional outburst. I don’t even remember the last time I cried…maybe I really did just need to let it out. In a weird way I already feel pretty comfortable around him. He’s still intimidating but soft? Like a giant fluffy cat…what are those ones…Maine Coon? Maybe that’s why he likes cats so much. He’s like a big cat himself. Strong, independent, elegant but not cold or unfeeling. A protector, like a lion…Maybe all this time I worried for nothing. He isn’t like anyone else I’ve met, besides Alois and my friends at the club. Even some of the queens aren’t the most tolerant, pretty hypocritical, but true. Still, as nice as he seems I don’t know him well enough to tell if he’d freak out if I told him I’m trans. He probably doesn’t even know what a trans person is! He didn’t even know his own pride colors after all! I have so much to teach him. I need to bring him to the club! He would love it! Maybe after he sees the queens, meets some of my friends, I’ll be able to tell him the truth. He’s been so honest with me. I should be honest with him._ Feeling a little better, Ciel finally drifted to sleep.

 

****

 

Sebastian woke up early in his new bed. He stretched, hit the alarm off, and stood up. He smiled and looked around his room. _My new home!_ He grabbed his work clothes and headed toward the bathroom. He stopped and peered into Ciel’s room. Ciel was asleep on his back with his hands flopped by his head. _He sleeps like a little angel! His skin looks so soft…_ Ciel made a little sound and shifted his head to the side, still fast asleep. _He’s so pretty._ Sebastian continued his way to the bathroom. Once he entered the room he turned on the shower, undressed, and stepped in. _I’m glad he’s sleeping peacefully. I feel bad I upset him the first day I’m here. I knew his family had issues, what family doesn’t? I would never have guessed it was with his parents though._ He thought back at all the advertisements he’d seen for Phantomhive Realty. It always would feature Vincent and Rachael, dressed in perfectly pressed outfits, smiling brightly, and holding hands. Both had rings with large bright blue stones on. _The same blue as Ciel’s eyes._ They looked like the perfect, happy little couple in front of a white picket fence. But now Sebastian knew things weren’t always as they appeared. In any interviews they had they never mentioned children, most didn’t even know they had any kids. _I always assumed that they were just being professional. Maybe they didn’t want people in their private lives or Ciel’s._ He sighed. _Maybe they just were too ashamed of Ciel to mention him. Poor Ciel…he’s so caring, he has a big heart. How could they do that to their own child! I would never judge my own kid if I ever had one, especially if they turned out like Ciel. I’m sorry Ciel, I couldn’t protect you then, but now if anyone messes with you, they have to go through me first!_ He got out of the shower, dried off, and dressed in his work clothes. _When I get home I’m making him dinner, he seemed to like the idea of me cooking…hell I’m baking him some cookies!_ He looked into Ciel’s room one last time before he left. _He looks like a little kitten when he sleeps. Like a little Russian Blue! That boy deserves some happiness. I would pamper him, if only he was mine._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead!

It had been two months since Sebastian moved in with Ciel. The more they hung out with each other the more they found they had in common. Sebastian taught Ciel a few easy recipes and Ciel showed Sebastian the basics of painting. Most of his painting subjects were cats, of course. Things were going smoothly, most of the time, Ciel had a few mini panic attacks. The first one was when Sebastian found maxi pads in the bathroom.

“Where do you keep the bandages at?” Sebastian shuffled things around in the bathroom. He cut his hand on a bent sauce can when he tried to open it. Ciel came running behind him.

“Just let me get in there! Sit down you’re bleeding everywhere!” Ciel pushed him to sit on the edge of the bathtub. Sebastian kept his injured hand raised, a few drops of blood trickled down. It was a long cut, but thankfully not very deep. Ciel started throwing things out of the way to get to the gauze. _Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. Why is it so buried back here?_  “Got it!” he triumphantly held it up. He flipped down the toilet lid and sat down. As he started wrapping Sebastian’s hand he caught him focusing on the mess he left. “I’ll put everything back once you’re bandaged up, don’t worry about it.”

“You have maxi pads?” his brows were drawn in confusion. Ciel’s heart skipped a beat, he suddenly felt like he was going to throw up. _Why? Why did I not pay attention to what I was riffling through? I had been so careful the past few weeks. Maybe it’s time for my fantasy to end. It would have never worked, even if he did like me. I’d have to tell him eventually. How could he ever care for me after keeping something like that a secret? I don’t want to lose him at least not yet._ He swallowed and willed his voice to sound stronger than he felt.

“Of course I do, for a while Lizzie was practically living here with me and Al,” he held his breath. _Easy explanation, I just hope he doesn’t see through it._

“Oh, I forgot,” he laughed. “I remember Al, I just always forget that Lizzie use to live here too.” Ciel finished wrapping his hand and let out a sigh of relief. _Damn it Seb! Almost gave me a heart attack!_

“All patched up! Now you just stay away from the kitchen. I’ll clean up in here and I’ll finish making dinner.” Sebastian started to protest. “Ah! Nope! I’ve got it covered. Just sit in the living room, okay?” That was the end of it. Ciel shoved everything back and cooked as promised. Dinner was burnt but Sebastian didn’t seem to mind and Ciel had too much on his mind to even think how the food tasted.

Another time was when Ciel started his period in the middle of the night. He was always so careful, but of all times he started bleeding three days early. It was 4 AM when he woke up and felt the blood sticking to his thighs. He turned on his tableside lamp and examined his pale blue sheets. There was a small but very noticeable puddle of blood staining the soft fabric. He crept pass Sebastian’s room, carried the bloodied blanket to the bathroom, and started soaking it in the tub. He stayed locked in the bathroom for hours, using various products to remove the stain. He held his breath every time he heard Sebastian make a sound, praying he wouldn’t get up until he was done. When the stain finally looked light enough he loaded it into the washer to properly clean it. Sebastian woke up to the hum of the washer. He stumbled into the hallway half-asleep and ran smack right into a flustered Ciel.

“Oof!”

“Ciel…you doing laundry?” he yawned and rubbed his eyes. “It’s too early…”

“Sorry did I wake you up?” he nodded and yawned again. “Sorry, I just…h-had an allergic reaction, new fabric softener,” he lied. “The sooner I get it washed out, the sooner I can sleep without scratching.” Sebastian seemed to believe him, he turned around and flopped back in bed face first, he was asleep again in seconds. Ciel breathed a sigh of relief, his heart still hammering hard in his chest. He thanked Sebastian’s sleepy state and terrible eye sight for not noticing the non-existent rash he claimed and the subtle swell of his chest. He was so concerned with the sheet he didn’t even think to put on his binder. _That was close. Way too close…these periods are trying to ‘out’ me like, ‘Hey Seb I happen to have a vagina and I’m currently fucking bleeding out of it!’ Fuck my life!_

 

Ciel was thankful he was androgynous enough that he 'passed' as male without hormones. He only stood at 5’ 6” but his shoes added an extra inch or two. His slender frame meant small breasts that were easy to bind and flatten. His hips were a little wider than the average male, but not too noticeably. His voice was neither masculine nor feminine. The average person wouldn’t think twice when he talked or stated his name. However living in a town with people he went to school with pre-transition, sometimes meant trouble, especially when those people were the ones that had bullied him in the past. He was just finishing up with his cart. Most books were in their proper place, when a large shadow came into view.

“You still live here? Thought you moved out with your folks?” it was a familiar voice, one that use to tease him, no torture him day in and day out. He sighed, he didn’t want a scene, it took everything in him to smile and reply politely.

“No, I didn’t want to move away.” _Simple, to the point, please leave me alone. We’re all adults here, just let it go. I’m not hurting anyone._

“Well you should have freak! You don’t belong in a place like this!” He grabbed Ciel roughly by the collar of his shirt and spit in his face. “Little dyke pretending to be a boy!” he landed a hard punch to Ciel’s right eye. Stars burst in his vision and he let out a whimper. “Better watch your back fag!” He let go and Ciel fell in a crumpled mess.  “No one wants a reject like you, waste of space,” with that he left. A wave of nausea hit Ciel. _Did anyone hear exactly what he said? What if I lose my job? Finny wouldn’t tell on me…but if anyone else knew…_

“Are you okay? Should I call the police?” Finny came running to Ciel’s side and helped him stand. His eye was throbbing, stinging, but vision slowly returning. He wiped away tears he wasn’t even aware of shedding.

“No, it’s fine. Can I…can I just leave for the day.” _Please don’t question what happened…I can’t go into details, not now._ Finny contemplated for a moment.

“Yeah I got it, just get some rest,” Finny gave him a soft hug like he was afraid he’d break him. “Just take care okay? I’m sorry I couldn’t react fast enough. By the time I realized what was happening he already dropped you. I’ll make sure he never comes back here, if he does I _will_ call the police.”

“Thank you Finny.” _I need to relax. I need to forget. I need to drink._ The drive back seemed longer than normal. All the years of being bullied flashing before his eyes. Getting pushed into lockers, rocks thrown at him, getting pummeled by countless bigots, his own father never accepting his identity, it was all too much. _I. AM. A. BOY! I AM CIEL! Don’t listen to them, don’t let it affect you. I am me._ He released his death grip from the wheel and took a few minutes to take some deep breaths. _I am Ciel Phantomhive, only I can choose my destiny. I will not listen to the voice of sheep._ He stood up straight and confident as he opened the door. Sebastian’s smile greeted him.

“Hey, you’re home early…oh my god what happened?” he gently cupped Ciel’s face and inspected the swollen and already bruising eye. It could have been worse, but it was still painful looking.

“Ran into an old bully at work,” he batted Sebastian’s hand away. “I didn’t even know he could read, what was he doing at a library?” he laughed off. _Please, just let it go Seb._

“Why did he…was it because you like guys? Did he do this to you in school too?” _Worse,_ Ciel wanted to say. But the look of hurt on Sebastian’s face was too much. _If you only knew what he did, what they all did to me, or worst, what I did to myself._

“Um, yeah. I don’t want to talk about it. This is the first time I’ve seen him in years, he won’t be back any time soon. I’m fine.”

“You’re okay? Really, you’re okay? That just looks like it hurts,” he frowned; grabbed Ciel’s chin and moved his face this way and that.

“Yeah, really I’m fine. Let’s forget about it.” Sebastian studied him.

“Okay, I believe you,” he gently brushed his thumb under the eye, as if willing away the pain.

“Okay then,” he smiled. “Let’s go out for a few drinks?”

“What? Don’t you want to rest?” _No! Not with everything bouncing around in my head!_

“No, I want to have some fun with what’s left of today!” _And forget everything…_

“Fine, I guess we never did go out for celebratory drinks. I’ll get ready.”

They settled on a fairly popular bar. It was only a few blocks away from the house. The bass was pounding through the speakers, most people were on the dance floor, Sebastian and Ciel sat in the corner of the bar. They did a couple shots of whiskey and were both on their fourth beer. Ciel’s pain was mostly forgotten like he had planned. He was more focused on how Sebastian had little dimples when he smiled. How his warm eyes had so many shades and dimensions, like rubies. He wondered how soft his lips were...and when did he get so buzzed? He felt the heat in his face and giggled.

“Having a good time?” Sebastian chuckled. “You’re pretty toasted huh?”

“Yeah,” Ciel admitted. “I don’t drink too often. I only go out with big groups usually.”

“I don’t blame you, seeing what happens at your work,” he shook his head. “When you add alcohol it can go bad really fast.” _Tell me about it!_

“You’re lucky, you pass for straight so well,” he sighed. “You don’t deal with homophobes.” _Or transphobes._

“I have before, not a lot of them, but I have,” he gulped down the rest of his beer and ordered another. “When did you figure out you liked men?”

“I guess I always knew, I liked girls but I liked guys just as much. What about you?”

“Similar I guess,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “I think I was in denial for a bit, like if I like girls I don’t need to like guys too. But that’s not how things work. I can’t just shut off a whole part of me for the sake of others. Hell knows I tried, but I was just hurting myself.” Ciel placed his hand on top of Sebastian’s and looked directly into his eyes. Even in his hazy state he found focus, longing, and a deep understanding he never thought he’d feel.

“I’m proud of you, for being yourself. Never change for anyone, just be you.” A silent bond strengthened in that moment. The music blurred in the background, people melted away, it was just the two of them at their table. They both had gone through untold hardships but they made it. It shaped who they were and it bettered them. Their pasts may have been different but they understood each other, with just a look. Sebastian clasped Ciel’s hand in his. They were living their truths, authentic and pure.

“Thank you. I really wish I could have met you sooner.” The music slowly filtered back and the warmth of their bonding remained. They both smiled, they had each other’s backs. They’d never be alone again as long as they had each other. They ordered another round of shots and downed them.

“So did you date strictly women when you were, well…not sure who you liked?” Ciel sipped his drink. _I ordered another beer? When did I do that? Is this my fifth or sixth? I need to cut myself off._

“Yeah, a lot of them too,” he admitted. “Some were more serious, but most were just hook ups more or less. Not something I’m proud of, not that I’m a prude, but I think I was really trying to prove to myself and others I was this ‘macho manly man’ that couldn’t possibly like men.” He chuckled. “It was pretty pathetic, complete overkill.” _Of all people, I understand completely trying to prove your manliness. I’m so sorry you had to go through that Seb. Damn it! I wish I could tell you so much! Especially after all you’ve shared with me._

“You were figuring yourself out, nothing pathetic about that,” he squeezed Sebastian’s shoulder and smiled. “We all go through things differently.”

“What about you? Were you always so,” he waved his arms around. “Umm…what word am I looking for? Open?” _Fuck no! Oh, being bi right! Silly me, jumping to conclusions…_

“I haven’t done any serious dating. Just meaningless little high school romances, not anything real. Definitely not as an adult either.” Sebastian stared blankly at him. “What?”

“So…did you go for girls? Guys?” _Oops, I totally ignored his question. No more drinks for me! I’m losing focus._

“Both, but like I said it wasn’t anything serious. I guess sense I went for either or…I always have been open and upfront about being bi. Though most just assume I’m gay. Apparently I look like a total twink, at least that’s what I’ve been told.” _Either way, bi or gay, is an easy ticket to get beat up. Then throw in being trans, oh yeah I have a lot of enemies…thankfully most have moved away. Damn kid that came into the library should have...move to the fucking swamp where he belongs._ “I don’t mind people assuming, I do have a preference for men.” _Mostly because women think I’m just an extremely butch lesbian._ Ciel was broken away from his thoughts with the sound of Sebastian laughing. “What’s so funny?”

“I’m just trying to figure out why we’re talking about our dating histories,” he started laughing again. _Shit, he’s going to find out I like him! What am I saying? If he doesn’t know by now he’s stupid._

“Does it matter? I’m just comparing our experiences; there are not a lot of bi people in this town. It’s for my own educational purpose!” They both busted out laughing. “Okay, we’re smashed!”

“Yeah, we better stick to water from now on. Hey! Hey bar keep! Two aguas!” _Oh wow, he might be as drunk as me! Seb you were supposed to be the responsible one! I never told him that…my fault. At least we walked here. Okay I just need to get Seb back on topic, I just have to know. He's too drunk to figure out I have an ulterior motive, at least I hope he is._

“So after you embraced liking guys did you start dating any?” Jealousy simmered lowly but his curiosity got the best of him. _If he did will he compare me to them? ‘Real’ and ‘functioning’ men? What if being trans is a deal breaker for him? What if he wants a big, burly man that can bench press him? Or just one that isn’t tiny, like me…or one that at least has a dick. I know I can trust him. I won’t ever lose his friendship. I know that now. But what the hell does he look for in a partner?_

“I still haven’t,” he blushed. _Sebastian actually blushed! He’s adorable! Wait…he still hasn’t been with other guys? A stud like him? That’s right, what was I thinking? Everyone thinks he’s straight. He could roll around in rainbow glitter just wearing a metallic g-string and women would still be after him…I wouldn’t blame them. I’d like to see that!_ “I don’t even know how to approach guys. If I flirt with a guy they just think I’m being nice.”

“Well maybe you need to work on your flirting,” Ciel playfully shoved him. _Like that, come on Seb! I’m flirting with you! Notice me senpai!_

“I’m not sure what to do, I don’t have to flirt with women, they just flirt with me.” _Of course they do you big oaf! Look at you!_ “I’ve never pursued anyone, noticeably enough that is.”

“Well what would you want a guy to do…er say to you?” _You can wreck me. God I’m drunk. I shouldn’t have done that last shot, or beer, or that mysteriously appearing beer…yes that specific one did it! That devil beer!_

“I’m not sure, I guess I’d have to play with,” Sebastian slid his hand up Ciel’s thigh. “I mean off the other guy.” _He is terrible, how is it somehow charming? You can do whatever you want babe._

“I think you’ll have to work on that,” he blushed for what must have been the 10th time that day. “I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty drunk and I think we should get home before I crash out here.” They laughed and hopped off their bar stools. Ciel would have face planted if it wasn’t for Sebastian’s fast reaction. Ciel was carried in his strong arms the few blocks they had to walk back to their house. “Onward my knight!” he giggled. Ciel dropped his keys twice and Sebastian had to get them while still trying not to drop Ciel as well. They stumbled in and crashed on the couch, Ciel still in Sebastian’s arms. Their faces were close, closer than they ever been before. They stared for a moment, silently asking for permission for what they’ve both wanted for so long. Ciel dove in first sloppily pressed his full lips against Sebastian’s. He instantly kissed back, soft and unsure. When Ciel bit down on his lower lip it was like a flip switched. Mouths opened, tongues explored, and moans were fed into each other. It was uncoordinated, teeth hit every once and a while, mouths were wet with spit, but neither cared. _Is this real? Am I dreaming? No…it’s too good to be a dream! Fuck! I don’t think I’ve ever been this turned on!_ Sebastian yanked hard at Ciel’s hair and moved his mouth to kiss down Ciel’s neck. Ciel gasped and Sebastian took it as permission to bite down by his clavicle. “S-seb!” Ciel rutted up against him desperately seeking any friction he could find. His small thigh pressed into the stiff mass between Sebastian’s legs, they both groaned. _He’s so hard and big! Fucking hell!_ Sebastian reached a hand between them to grope at Ciel. He abruptly stopped and pushed Ciel back to get a good look at him. His cheeks were bright pink, lips slick with spit, lust shining in his clouded blue eyes, chest heaving as he tried to take in more oxygen. They just stared at each other unblinking. Their breaths were loud in the otherwise silent room.

“I’m sorry, I’m not forcing you am I?” concern clearly showed on his face.

“No! No, I want this…” _I really want this. Really I do!_

“But you’re not…hard.”

“I um…” _What was I thinking? He squeezed my packer and thought I was limp. Shit! I should have said something before I let it get this far. Now is NOT the time to drop a bomb on him like that!_

“Whiskey dick?” he grinned. “You did drink a lot.”

“Yeah,” he looked away. _Pathetic, but it works!_ Sebastian grabbed his chin and pulled him to look at him again.

“It’s okay it happens. Happens to me sometimes,” he admitted. He smoothed Ciel’s hair down and smiled.

“Apparently not now though,” Ciel rolled his hips into him.

“Fuck.”

“Let me take care of it? Let me take care of you?” He swallowed and nodded. They kissed for a second before Ciel slid down and straddled his legs. His hands shook slightly with nerves and excitement. Sebastian grabbed his hands.

“You really don’t have to.”

“I really want too,” he smirked back. He finally reached for the button and zipper, once undone he reached into his boxer briefs to claim his prize. As soon as his hand touched the heated flesh he groaned. _My hand can’t even close all the way around it._ He pulled the dick out and his eyes widened. “Wow!” he couldn’t even stop it from slipping out. _How does he hide this thing?_ Sebastian looked down at Ciel, worried.

“Bad wow?” _I fucked up! He thinks I hate it. He thinks I’m insulting his manhood! Idiot!_

“Oh! No! I mean just, wow impressive!” He slowly pumped the thick shaft, mesmerized by the sheer size of it. Thicker and longer than any other one he’s seen. The foreskin glided smoothly over the purpled head, precum dripping steadily down. He hesitantly licked at the head, earning a satisfied groan from Sebastian. He slowly took him in his mouth, careful to avoid any teeth scraping. He started gently sucking and tried to take him as far down as possible. What he couldn’t fit in his mouth he wrapped his hand around and moved in rhythm with each bob of his head.  Sebastian grabbed his hair and tugged hard on it as he bucked into the wet mouth.

“Yo-u feel ama-zing!” he breathed out. “So good.” Ciel moaned at the praise and moved his tongue to play with the sensitive head and slit. “C, I-I’m…going to…” His orgasm hits hard, cock convulsing against Ciel’s tongue, hot load shooting down his throat. He let go of Ciel and collapsed back against the couch. Ciel wiped at his mouth and admired the blissed-out look on Sebastian’s face. He tucked his cock back in and zipped up his pants before crawling up to lay on top of him. “Thank you,” he smiled. “Do you want me to do anything for you? I know you’re not…in the best state…but I’m sure you could still have…”

“No, it’s okay,” Ciel cut him off. “Another time.” Sebastian nodded and wrapped his arms around him. Ciel pulled a blanket over them. _Good thing I keep this on the couch. It looks like we’re crashing out here tonight._ Sebastian gave him a kiss on the head.

“Night love,” he murmured before drifting off to sleep. _Yeah you just sleep, meanwhile I’m horny as fuck and I can’t even do anything about it! Tease._ He looked at the sleeping face and smiled. _Maybe one day I can call you mine._ He kissed his jaw and snuggled in. _This is where I belong._ He closed his eyes and fell asleep with a small smile on his face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here come the queens!

The sun streamed in bright. _Too bright,_ Ciel thought. He shifted and looked down at Sebastian’s face. _He really does look like a Greek statue!_ His eyes traced the lines of his sharp cheekbones, up to his crooked glasses. _Oh, I should have helped him take those off. Oops._ His few seconds of peace were shattered as soon as his head started pounding. _Ugh, I drank way too much! I should have paced myself better and…oh my god I fucking messed with Sebastian last night! What was I thinking? At least I know he likes me enough now…but I still have to tell him I’m trans…that might ruin my chance. Well at least I have something to remember if he rejects me. If he rejects me…no, I don’t want to think about that. Ugh my head hurts!_ He got up wobbly and walked to the bathroom. _Better grab a few aspirin for Seb too, I’m sure he’s hung over as well. Heh, he might rival Alois when it comes to slamming drinks. I’d pay to see them compete._ He took the pills into the living room, grabbed a few water bottles on the way back, and sees Sebastian starting to wake up.

“Fuck it’s bright in here,” Sebastian groans. He stretches and then sits up so Ciel has room on the couch. Ciel hands him some pills and a water bottle. “Thank you, I need these,” he downs the water bottle in a matter of seconds and places the empty bottle on the table. “Hey.”

“Hey,” is all Ciel says back, thoughts racing.

“So about last night…”

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I just…I don’t drink often and…” _You’re hot and I’m always horny as fuck._

“Ciel, it’s okay, I had fun, I was actually more worried about you,” he interjected. _What?_

“I had fun too.”

“Yeah?” he smiled.

“I haven’t really been with anyone…” he blushed.

“Oh! Are you a…a”

“Virgin?” Ciel guessed. Sebastian nodded. “I guess?” he shrugged. “I mean I’ve fooled around before, did what we did, but…never with anyone I cared about before. I never went any further than that either.” Sebastian’s smile grew, he pulled Ciel in for a hug and kissed the top of his head.

“I like you a lot too Ciel.” _Oh my god! Oh my god! I will never get use to hearing that!_

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” they just held each other for a while, both of their anxiety finally at ease. _He likes me. He really does! I don’t remember the last time I felt so happy. I can open up to him, show him all of me._

“Seb? Would you like to meet some of my friends? Sense neither of us work today?”

“Of course, I’m sure they’re wonderful. I didn’t have any plans for today.” _Ahhh! You gorgeous man! I know they’ll love you!_

“Okay good!” he beamed. “They should all be at the club tonight.” Sebastian groaned and Ciel laughed. “No don’t worry! We won’t be drinking just hanging out back stage.”

“Back stage?” he raised his eyebrows.

“My Aunt and her partner work there, they’re friends with the owner. All my friends are on tonight, we can see them before the show!”

“Oh, so it’s like a concert venue? You have friends in a band?” Ciel just smirks.

“Not quite, it’s a burlesque and drag club.”

“Huh?” _Oh boy, you sheltered little lamb._

“You know girls dancing around, not tonight though,” he laughed. “Drag queens?” he tried.

“Drag queens?” he looked confused.

“Like cross dressers, men dressing as women, full face make up, you know.”

“Oh!” he finally understood. “They do that, in public?”

“Oh yes! You have so much to learn and experience,” his eyes gleamed.

The club was about 30 minutes into the city, in a neighborhood that was much more tolerant. There were a few rainbow crosswalks and rainbow flags posted to the side of buildings. There were a few bars and shops surrounding the club. Even so the club stood out from everything. Big, bright red letters saying ‘Revamp’ sprawled across the building. In the window were neon signs, one was a rainbow; another was of a pin up girl. As they entered Sebastian took note of a sign posted on the door. It read ‘LGBT+ Welcome!’ The main room was huge; the floor was covered in black tiles with embedded glitter. Tables and booths were spaced around a dance floor. The booths were covered in bright red vinyl. The tables were white with flecks of silver; they sparkled just as much as the floor. The black walls were covered in various artworks, photographs, and pride flags. Some were of pin ups, depictions of same sex couples, cross dressers, and erotic and explicit images. Sebastian blushed and Ciel smiled at him.

“I wish you warned me or something,” Sebastian murmured. _What and ruin the fun?_

“Come on Seb, loosen up,” he rubbed Sebastian’s back. “Haven’t you ever gone to a club before?” Sebastian fidgeted and shot a glare at Ciel.

“Not one like, like this,” he grumbled. “Not ones with,” he eyed a vintage photograph of two men having sex, “with pornography everywhere.”

“You’ll get use to it,” he chuckled. “I never knew you were so squeamish.” _If only you saw the VIP room, there’s literally paddles and whips on display._

“I am not!” They approached the main bar station. The bar top was silver, as were the seats, with enormous shelves filled with alcohol behind it. The alcohol ranged from the most common and cheapest liquors to high class champagnes and wines. A tall blonde man was shining some martini glasses at the bar. He looked up and smiled, toothpick hanging from his mouth.

“Hey kid how’s it going? I haven’t seen you in a while?”

“Hey Bard! Going good, I’m introducing Seb to the club,” he pushed Sebastian forward.

“Ah I didn’t think I recognized him! Welcome to Revamp! If you were hoping for the chicks, sorry wrong night, just blokes in frocks today,” he laughed. “Burlesque night is next weekend.”

“Oh,” Sebastian nodded. “Ciel just brought me here to meet some of his friends.”

“Nice!” Bard holds out his hand, Sebastian shakes it and smiles back. “I’m Bard. Any friend of Ciel’s is a friend of mine. If you ever have problems here let me know, some of the customers get pretty obnoxious, most of them are harmless but I will ban people if need be.” _Yeah like Aleistor, what a creep._

“I’m Sebastian, nice meeting you.”

“I think everyone’s hanging out in the dressing room right now. I saw Soma and Agni for sure earlier.

“Thanks Bard!” Ciel grabbed Sebastian’s hand and pulled him towards the door by the stage. “I can’t wait for you to meet everyone!” Ciel pushed the rhinestone beaded curtain to the side.

As soon as they stepped foot in the room Sebastian felt his anxiety kick in. His senses were overloaded. There were multiple vanities, each with an array of bright bulbs circling the mirrors. Makeup, jewelry, and colorful drinks were covering every available flat surface, clothes in every imaginable color and pattern were tossed about on the floor or hanging on chairs. There were a few luxurious red velvet couches, silver sequined pillows decorated them. There were bright red lockers with names written in elegant penmanship. Various scents were over powering from hair spray to perfumes. Four men in various stages of dress were chatting and laughing. One short blonde had his back to them. Another was sitting in the corner listening to music on their ipod. Two were at one of the vanities, one brushing the other’s long auburn hair.

“Hey gurls! This is my friend Seb.” Three of the four looked up and smiled. Sebastian shyly waved to them. Ciel ran off to talk to the blonde, leaving Sebastian standing awkwardly by himself.

“Uh hi everyone,” he shot a nervous smile back. The one that was brushing the brunette’s hair walked up to Sebastian. He had extremely long bright greyish hair. His dark, toned arms and large hands were covered in beautiful henna designs, though they appeared to be permanently tattooed. Black sleeves fluttered around his biceps. His gold painted lips shimmered as he smiled warmly.

“Welcome Sebastian, Ciel never brings anyone here, you must be very special,” his gold bangles clinked as he presented his hand gracefully. Sebastian shook it and the jewelry jangled more. He easily stood two heads taller than Sebastian, partly because of the stilettos he was sporting.          

“Oh, he doesn’t?” He tried to not stare, but the man was strikingly beautiful. Already sharp cheekbones were exaggerated by contour, hazel eyes stood out against the smoky plum eye shadow. His lean muscled legs were visible under a black mini skirt. He was perfectly toned head to toe, strong but feminine.

“My name is Agni, well my actual name. When I’m like this,” he pointed to his done up face with his long, dark nails, “I’m The Desert Jewel, Jewel for short.” Sebastian continued to stare and Agni broke out in a warm laughter. “You’ve never seen a man in drag have you?”

“No…I’m obvious aren’t I? Sorry I didn’t mean to stare,” he blushed.

“It’s okay, I only started doing drag after I met Soma. Before then, I was much like you.” The young auburn man walked up to join them. His long hair had soft natural waves. He was petite, not as much as Ciel, but still very small. He only had a touch of eyeliner on but his face already looked very feminine, naturally long, thick lashes, perfectly groomed eyebrows, and a soft roundness to his face. His midriff was exposed, framed by a gold bejeweled bralette, belly button sporting a ring and chain. He still had his regular jeans and athletic shoes on.

“Hello Ciel’s friend! I’m Soma!” He beams and shakes his hand enthusiastically. “I could never figure out Ciel’s type, but you look very cute together.”

“Oh we’re not, I mean…we,” Sebastian stumbled over his words.

“Don’t hurt yourself Seb, Soma is just having fun,” Ciel called from across the room. It was hard to miss Soma’s loud voice. “Have a seat, make yourself comfortable,” he walked back with the blonde. The blonde sat at the vanity closest to the couch, Ciel and Sebastian sat on the couch next to each other.

“But you look so good together! Agni don’t you think so?” Agni chuckles and places his hand on Soma’s shoulder.

“I think we’re making Sebastian a little uncomfortable, come on Princess let’s get you made up.”

“Okay…we need to ki ki later!” Soma winks.

“Okay,” Ciel smiles as the two go back to their makeup station.

“What does that mean?” Sebastian whispers.

“Just roll with it for now.”

“I was wondering when Ciel would bring you by,” stated the blonde. He turned and smiled at Sebastian. Sebastian’s eyes went wide.

“Alois!?”

“Hey, how’s it going?” he started powdering his face. “Oh, and it’s Glitter Royale here.” He was clad only in small black underwear and pantyhose.

“What are you doing here? Does Lizzie know? Ciel did you know?” his mind going a mile a minute.

“Oh don’t get your panties in a bunch, of course Lizzie knows, hell I’m the one who does her makeup most of the time.”

“But you’re together!”

“Yeah we are, so?” he raised an eyebrow.

“But you’re gay!"

“Really? Ciel you need to teach your boy here,” he huffed. Sebastian looked at Ciel then Alois, then back at Ciel.

“He’s very straight, believe me I’ve had to live with him for years,” Ciel laughs. “Never tried to make any moves on me.”

“Oh hush, you love me!” he playfully shoved Ciel. “Anyone can do drag Sebby dear. I don’t want my dick going anywhere near guys, it’s just not my thing. No tea, no shade.” Sebastian just stared blankly. “I like to dress up and look pretty, what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing!” he defended. “I’m just a bit confused,” he admitted. “I didn’t think straight people were into drag. Actually I pretty much don’t know anything about drag...or the gay community for that matter.”

“Hey its okay, you’ll get use to it, especially if you hang with Ciel. He’s always here.”

“How do your friends feel about you doing drag and being straight? Like do they think you’re in the closet or what? How did Lizzie react?” Sebastian inquired.

“If they’re my friends then they don’t mind me doing drag. If they’re bothered by me doing drag, then they’re not my friends, simple.” He shrugged. “Lizzie has always known. She gets a little jealous that I can rock a dress as good as her, but she does love dressing me up. I’ve always loved fashion and hey dressing in drag gives me twice the options!”

“Told you he loves fashion, like you,” Ciel poked Sebastian’s arm. “He’s very male, very straight, and very secure. He doesn’t let others influence him.”

“Oh you’re into fashion too?” Alois’s eyes twinkled. “Maybe you can help me design some new outfits! I love Nina’s designs but they’re too…flowy? Feminine? I like a little more leather, rock star vibes you know? Not totally goth, I can’t pull that off. I like me some pink too! Serving up Jem and the holograms realness!"

“Nina?” Sebastian’s eyebrow lifted.

“Oh you’ll love her! She mostly works with the burlesque girls and their outfits. She’s done some of ours though, mostly Agni’s. He likes all the flowy shit.”

“I’ll have to introduce you sometime,” Ciel chimed in. There was suddenly a commotion by the exit to the outside. A slim man with long platinum hair braided to the side walked in. He was followed by another platinum blonde that was slightly taller. Both were covered in designer labels and fine jewelry.

“Move your hog body out of the way! The royalty has arrived!” the smaller one declared as he shoved the queen listening to music out of his path. He had a smug smile on his face as he swaggered his way to one of the vanities. He took off his white leather jacket and sat down. The taller one started applying foundation to the other’s face.

“Uh, I forgot they would be here,” Ciel whined. _Of course, it’s a big night, DJs, queens; I should have thought that through._

“Who’s the fresh meat?” asked the smaller one. He flipped his hair back and looked at Sebastian’s reflection on his mirror.

“His name is Sebastian,” Soma says cheerfully, as he puts in gold chandelier earrings.

“Oh, welcome darling. You picked a great day to be here, after all I’m headlining.” Ciel rolled his eyes. _No you’re not! Quit talking out of your ass! The DJs are the main attraction tonight._

“You are?”

“Yes, I try to be a bit charitable. Not like this shack has a lot of real queens performing.” He held his hands out and the taller blonde grasps them and added a few coats of glitter polish to perfectly manicured nails.

“Shut it ‘Majesty,’” Ciel growled. “Don’t you dare put down this establishment!”

“Oh the little freak is here today?” he snorted.

“Don’t you call him that!” Sebastian yells and balls up his fists.

“Touchy, touchy. I take it you’re its friend?”

“I’m his date,” Sebastian answered confidently. _His date? Oh Seb!_

“Oh what fun! So do you like women or men?” he smirked.

“Don’t you dare!” Ciel stood up, ready to throw a punch if he had to. _I WILL knock out a queen if I have to!_

“Both, what’s it to you?” Sebastian grabbed Ciel’s wrist and got him to sit back down. He let out a nasty laugh.

“You’re just as confused as ‘that thing’ is! You’re either gay or your straight. Pick a side, come on!”

“I’m bi,” he grabbed Ciel’s hand and clasped it between his. To calm down Ciel or himself, he wasn’t sure.

“Keep lying to yourself, then again if you’re with ‘it’ I guess you don’t have to choose,” he laughs. “The name is Her Majesty, I’ll see you around,” he got up and sauntered away with the other blonde following him like a lost puppy.

“I hate him!” Ciel pouts.

“What a jerk, what’s his deal?”

“He’s from the big city, so he thinks he’s better than everyone else,” a small voice came from the corner. It was the one that was listening to music, ear buds now out. “One thing though, at least all of us can do our own makeup. I’m Violet, good to meet you.”

“Agni’s only been doing drag for two years and he can sure beat a face better than him!” Soma bragged.

“I did have a wonderful teacher,” Agni blushed. He took Soma’s hand and kissed it, leaving a gold lip print behind. Sebastian smiled; the couple was clearly in love.

“I heard he’s a total pillow princess too,” Alois adds. “He doesn’t do anything! I mean it’s almost like a slave/master relationship. Just gross, he steps all over everyone.”

“He’s so egotistical! I’m sure he put out an ad to find his boyfriend, like ‘must have the same name as me and be my butler.’” Soma giggled.

“They have the same name?” Sebastian questioned. “That is a little odd, but it happens.”

“Nothing is by chance with Charles,” Alois rolled his eyes. “Prissy little bitch.” Alois finished applying his lipstick and smiled at his reflection.

“He’s very rude,” Agni agreed. “Especially to nice people, I just try to ignore him as much as possible.” Agni started adding some beads and braids to Soma’s hair.

“Hey Vi, you’ve been quiet all day. Is something on your mind?” Soma asked.

“No,” Violet answered. “Just a bit down and out,” they sighed.

“What’s going on hun?” Alois frowned. “You need someone to talk to?”

“I don’t feel like going on stage tonight, I think it might make me feel worse. There’s enough people lined up as is, one of you could do a longer set.”

“You can hang out with me and Ciel,” Sebastian suggested. Violet smiled and shook their head.

“You’re very kind, I think I’ll just go home though, I need to sort out my thoughts.” They grabbed their bag and went to go through the front door. Alois pulled them to the side.

“You can call or text me after my set okay,” he whispered. “Seriously if you need to talk, don’t hesitate okay?” Violet nodded and walked out. “Did anything happen that any of you know about?” They all shook their heads no. “Must just be a bad day,” he guessed.

“Is he going to be okay?” Sebastian asked concerned. “He seemed pretty depressed.”

“Violet does have depression,” Ciel confirmed. “They also have other issues…”

“They?” Sebastian’s brows furrowed. _Seb’s probably so confused right now. It is all a lot to take in. I have so much to discuss with him._

“Violet is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns,” Ciel answered. “They’re fine with being labeled genderfluid as well, either works.”

“I don’t understand,” he admitted.

“We’ll talk about it sometime later,” Ciel sighed. “I know you grew up a bit sheltered. This is all pretty new to you.”

“Don’t forget we still need to talk to C,” added Alois. He shimmied into a hot pink dress. “Ugh, guess I don’t need to breathe for the rest of the evening,” he sucked in his stomach as he zipped the back up. Glitter fell in a cloud from the fabric. “They don’t call me Glitter for nothing!” he laughed. Sebastian couldn’t look away from him. He added extensions to his hair, making his blonde hair shoulder length. His pink lipstick matched his dress. The built in waist cincher gave his tiny body curves even without the extra padding, that he was currently stuffing in the bodice.

“Ciel I think your boyfriend is falling for Glitter!” Soma laughed.

“What?” Sebastian looked away, face turning red. “I’m not…”

“All the boys love me!” Alois smiled. “Poor boys go home heartbroken after my set every night.”

“I’m just amazed,” Sebastian stood up and circled Alois like a vulture. “I mean if I didn’t see you get dressed like, like that! You look like a whole different person!”

“That’s the idea!” Alois playfully slapped his arm. “It’s all about illusions, art, and expression!”

“I guess drag isn’t exactly what I thought it was,” Sebastian shrugged. “I thought it was…well I’m not sure what I thought.”

“Friend,” Agni called. “Why don’t you and Ciel come to our house next week. We can talk more.”

“Yes, that would be nice!” Soma added. “Oh my! You’re on in five minutes Glitter! And I still need to tuck and get into my outfit!” Soma and Alois both ran off, chatting amiably.

“We’ll let you gals get ready, we’ll see you,” Ciel smiled. He got up and grabbed Sebastian’s hand. “Come on Seb.” They left and saw the floor was packed with people. “So what did you think of them?” They kept holding each others’ hands, neither showed signs of pulling away.

“They were all nice, you’re friends, not that peroxide pompous asshole.” Ciel grinned. _I’m falling for you more and more every day._

“Yeah? You like them?”

“Of course! I look forward to visiting Agni and Soma, we’ll have to compare our schedules when we get home.”

“So have you found a new appreciation for drag? It does have a lot to do about fashion and you love fashion.”

“I do…” his eyes sparkled and he smirked.

“What were you thinking about?”

“Huh? Oh, nothing,” Sebastian coughed. “Let’s go home, my head hurts too much to hang around the loud music.”

“Ugh, I agree!” Ciel smiled and snuggled up to Sebastian’s shoulder. When they got to the car they let go of each other’s hands, sat down, and buckled up. After Sebastian backed the car out and headed out towards home, one hand searched for Ciel’s. Ciel grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers. _How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a while to get this out and that it's short! It's a very necessary chapter, but it was really difficult for me to write. I rewrote it a few times and moved things around from the original outline. I hope you all enjoy it anyways! Feel free to hit me up on my tumblr: https://cielpansyhive.tumblr.com/

It had been a little over a week since they went to the club. They weren’t able to schedule a time to see Agni and Soma. Sebastian and Ciel’s work schedules were polar opposites. They barely even saw each other. But the moments they were together they couldn’t stop smiling at each other. Touches lingered, intense gazes were shared, but neither moved beyond that, both too nervous to be the one to make the first move. Ciel’s eye finally looked good enough that he didn’t have to cover it up with makeup. That didn’t stop Finny from asking everyday if he really was okay and if he wanted to get a restraining order against the guy. Ciel gave Agni Sebastian’s phone number so the two could text each other at least. One of them brought up cooking and since then they have been swapping recipes nonstop. Ciel also ‘accidentally’ told Alois about Sebastian’s fashion blog, Alois volunteered to help him work on it and started rattling off so many suggestions Sebastian got overwhelmed.

Today they finally both had the morning off and Sebastian didn’t have to be at work till that evening. Ciel was in the process of making tea and breakfast. Sebastian had gone out for an early morning jog. _Where does he even get the energy to fucking JOG at this hour?_ Ciel smiled and shook his head. _I’m so glad he’s getting along with Agni. I just knew the two of them would bond. I think Alois finally understands why I’m so crazy about Seb too._ He made a little heart with jam on the toast before spreading it out. He just started plating the eggs when Sebastian walked in. Ciel’s eyes wandered up and down, watching Sebastian kick off his shoes, muscles in his bare legs flexing. _I need to convince him to wear shorts more often, those calves are killer. Maybe I should take up jogging._

“Ciel I’m back!” he walked into the kitchen his face lit up when he saw the plates. “You made us breakfast?” he wiped the hair off his forehead. His white stringer tank top clung to his body, drenched in sweat, nearly see-through. Ciel looked away to hide his blushing face.

“Yeah, I thought it would be nice,” he shrugged. “You know, sense we haven’t had a lot of time together lately.”

“You didn’t want to sleep in on your day off?”

“And miss spending time with you?” he looked back at Sebastian and smiled.

“Ciel, I…” he looked around nervously. “Um, I-I need to take a shower. It’ll just be a few minutes,” he backed away, bumping into a cabinet and took off to the bathroom. _Why do I get the feeling that’s not what he wanted to tell me?_ He sighed and looked at his plate. _I don’t really feel hungry anymore._ When Sebastian came back he was in his work clothes, though it was many hours before his shift. Ciel was seated at the table picking at his food. Sebastian sat down and smiled, “This looks really good! Perfect eggs, you’re really getting the hang of cooking.” Ciel still sulked and wondered what it was that Sebastian really wanted to say. _If he thinks I came on too strong he could have said something back when I had his dick in my mouth. If he’s leading me on I’ll kill him._ Sebastian finished his food and put the dishes in the sink. He noticed the trash was full so he decided to empty it outside. He brought the trash to the curb and got the mail from the box while he was there. He walked back in to see Ciel still hadn’t eaten any more of his food and likely didn’t even notice him leaving the table. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Maybe I should have slept in, I’m kind of tired,” he lied. Sebastian thumbed through the mail. Mostly bills, a few junk letters, and then there was a fancy blue envelope with intricate gold filigree. I said it was from the Phantomhives and it looked important.

“Do you have a sister?” That caught Ciel’s attention, his head snapped up at lightning speed. He gave Sebastian a confused look.

“No, what makes you think that?”

“This letter from your parents is addressed to a Claire Phantomhive.” Ciel’s eyes widened. A look of fear and disgust crossed his face.

“Fuck!” he grabbed his hair in both hands and pulled at it. _Of course my dad would send it with my birth name! That bastard! Why couldn’t he have emailed me? I meant to tell Sebastian soon, but I haven’t thought out how to explain it! Fuck!_

“What is it?” Ciel stood up and gathered as much courage as he could.

“I’m Claire,” his voice waivered.

“What do you mean?” Ciel sighed and walked to his room. Sebastian was going to follow when he saw Ciel already coming back with his wallet. He pulled out his id and handed to Sebastian. Sebastian looked it over. “It says Ciel Phantomhive, I don’t understand.” _You’re reading the wrong line idiot! How do you not see it?_

“I changed it, legally,” he sat the wallet on the table and balled up his fists at his sides. _Come on, just get it already! This is hard for me!_

“Your parents gave you a girlie name?” he raised his brows.

“Really look at it, doesn’t anything look wrong?”

“Date of birth, December 14th, height 5’ 6”, weight 120, you’re a little on the thin side, oh...” _He saw it. Finally!_ He squinted, rereading the line over. “They put female on here.”

“That, I can’t legally change.”

“Can’t change? I…hold on, what? Are you telling me you’re a girl?” Sebastian’s brows furrowed.

“No! I mean, argh!” he stomped his foot. “I wanted to tell you when I was ready, but no of course my dad had to fuck me over like always! How do I put this so you understand? I’m a boy, I’m male, but my body isn’t…ugh that sounds stupid!” Sebastian just watched in confusion. “I was born with a female body, I was ‘assigned’ if you will female at birth, I’m transgender, there I said it.” Sebastian blinked in disbelief. “Do you understand what that means?”

“But we…you…and…what? I-I felt you…” Sebastian looked around like he was trying to solve equations floating around in the air. Ciel sighed, reached into his dark jeans, pulled out his packer, and set it on the table. Sebastian’s eyes widened. “Oh,” he stated dumbly as he stared at the blob of silicone. “So you don’t…”

“Yes, I don’t have a dick, that’s what you grabbed,” Ciel nodded to the packer and crossed his arms feeling self-conscious. “Well, what do you think?”

“But you look so…male,” Sebastian tilted his head and studied Ciel, trying to find anything that would have gave him away as female. Ciel pressed his lips together and exhaled loudly out his nose.

“I AM male,” he corrected. “If you’re referring to my appearance, I bind my chest, I pack, I wear men’s clothes, I try my hardest! So I should look male.”

“I didn’t mean, I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who was transgender,” Sebastian babbled. “I just mean I would have never guessed, I’m just kind of shocked.”

“I guess I pass enough then,” he mumbled. “This is who I am," he looked up at Sebastian with unshed tears glistening in his eyes. “It took a lot of years for me to embrace who I am! I won’t change for anyone, if you have a problem with me tell me now!” Sebastian remained quiet. “Well!” _If you’re going to reject me get on with it!_ Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“Umm…I guess you look a little different than how I fantasized you naked.”

“You bastard!” Ciel grabbed the closest thing next to him, the packer, and threw it as hard as he could at Sebastian. It landed a hard smack against Sebastian’s forehead before plopping onto the floor. “THAT’S YOUR RESPONSE?” _Fuck! Why did I just do that? I’ll never get all the lint off…damn Sebastian owes me a new dick!_ “GET OUT! LEAVE!”

“Whoa, I didn’t mean it like that,” he raised his hands in surrender. “I swear! It was a shitty joke. I was just trying to make light of the situation, you know, take out some of the tension.”

“Why are you trying to make light of this? This-this secret that I’ve hid from everyone! This secret that has affected everything in my life! I worry everyday that someone will out me! That someone will take offense to my very existence! This is so hard for me, telling you has been eating away at me, and you just stand there making a joke out of it? Making a joke out of me?”

“Ciel, I’m sorry,” he walked closer to Ciel but Ciel took a few steps back.

“STAY BACK!”

“I just wanted you to know it’s not a big deal,” Sebastian pleaded.

“Oh,” he laughed bitterly, tears running freely down his face. “Not a big deal? I’m supposed to believe that? ‘Mr. I-was-raised-in-the-bible-belt-and-am-completely-clueless-of-the-queer-community-but-I’m-suddenly-100%-on-board-with-having-a-male-friend-with-a-pussy.’ You just don’t get it do you? You’re probably too stupid to even comprehend what I’m trying to tell you!” Ciel pointed an accusing finger at him. “You don’t know what I’ve been through! The pain and suffering, oh but it’s ‘not a big deal.’ No, trying to prove I’m trans and that I’m really male when everyone labeled me female, delusional, and attention seeking, no big deal! That in this state I can’t get my goddamn useless breasts cut off without being on hormones! That I must not have dysphoria or really be trans if I’m not willing to take hormones! Even though I tried to kill myself over it, it’s not enough proof of my pain!” Ciel had slowly been inching his way forward, not realizing it until his pointing finger was pushing into Sebastian’s chest. “That my own father does not recognize me as his son,” he seethed. “But you’re right, it’s no big deal,” Ciel was shaking from all the adrenaline and anger he had bottled up for years, breath coming in short pants. Sebastian cupped Ciel’s face and looked at him with a sincerity that had him lower his defenses, any fire he had building washed away. Sebastian looked as vulnerable as he felt. _I hurt him. He didn’t come at me with any ill intent and I lashed out at him. Please forgive me Seb, I just have so much anger._

“Listen, I care about you. I care about you a lot, and I’m sorry I’m an idiot. This, this is all new to me. I never meant to say anything to hurt you, I just-I wanted you to know that I’m not bothered or freaked out or whatever you might be thinking that I was thinking,” he brushed away the tears that had collected on Ciel’s cheeks. “Yes I might not understand everything. You’ll have to bear with me, teach me. But I do care for you, for who you are, your soul. I’m sorry your body does not match who you are as a person. I can’t even begin to imagine what that’s like but I’m here for you, okay?”  Ciel sniffled.

“Y-you don’t hate me?”

“Hate you? I could never,” he hugged Ciel tight and kissed the top of his head.

“I’m sorry I called you stupid, I was being unfair. I took out my anger on you, that wasn’t right.”

“It’s okay, I was being stupid. Now probably isn’t the best time…but I did already make an ass of myself,” he chuckled. “Sense I do like you, umm and I actually was going to ask earlier if you liked me…”

“Idiot,” Ciel mumbled into Sebastian’s chest. He looked up at Sebastian, “You should know by now I like you too.” _Even if I just majorly messed up._

“Oh…uhhh…enough to be my boyfriend?” Ciel blinked, looking at Sebastian like he just spoke a different language.

“What?” _After all of this, he still likes me? He still wants me? He really doesn’t care that I’m not a cis male? I doubted him this whole time…he really is okay with me? After I just snapped at him? I judged him more than he’s ever judged me._

“I mean, I don’t mean to make things awkward but I’d like to date you. You must have known I’ve been interested in you for a while. Sorry I shouldn’t have said any…” Ciel cut him off with a quick kiss. “Is that a maybe?”

“You dork,” he kissed him again. “It’s a yes.” Sebastian beamed and he picked Ciel up and swung him around in a tight hug. “Aaahh! Put me down! You’re going to drop me!” He set him down and began babbling on.

“I’m just so happy! I thought you were going to kick me out, if not for finding out your secret then definitely for asking you out if you rejected me. You’re so scary when you’re angry. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am! I never meant to push your buttons like that. I just got tongue tied and kept digging myself into a deeper hole, my god I thought you were going to murder me!” Ciel snickered. _This boy never shuts up._ Ciel put a finger on Sebastian’s lips to shush him.

“Well now you know what will happen if you ever do cross me. Now about how sorry you are…”

“Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” his brown eyes pleading behind his thick glasses. _He looks like a puppy that just got kicked._

“Buy me a new dick.”

“Huh?” Ciel picked up the lint and dust covered packer from the floor.

“See all that? There’s no way I can scrub all that off, I mean this one needed replacing anyways it’s falling apart, but you made me throw it at you.”

“Can…can I touch it?”

“Sure, have fun, I’ll be throwing it away anyways,” Ciel handed it over and decided to sit down at the dining table and eat his cold breakfast. Sebastian stared at it and smooshed it in his hand.

“Wow that’s weird, it’s pretty life like. Really floppy though,” he flopped it around and inspected it, looking like a cat with a ball of yarn.

“Orf-corf ift is!” Ciel spoke with his mouthful, eggs flying back onto the plate. He swallowed, “Of course it is, I don’t want to walk around all day with something stiff digging into me. Most guys, guys like me anyway, don’t hard pack. Some do, god that must be uncomfortable.” _It really is nice to just talk uncensored, I didn’t realize how stressed out I was getting. My blood pressure must have been through the roof the last few months!_

“So it’s just for show then? I mean you can’t really uh…” he did a thrusting motion with the packer and Ciel let out a genuine laugh for the first time that day. _This dork…_

“Can you when you’re soft?”

“No,” Sebastian blushed.

“It helps clothes fit and look better, it makes me feel a little better, and if anyone got too handsy,” he gave a pointed look. “Nothing would feel out of place, so it’s a safety reason too.”

“Has anyone else seen or squeezed...ugh this is so weird…not that you’re weird! Just, I never pictured myself in this situation…”

“Tell me about it, we’re having a conversation while you have a dick in your hand, mine to be exact, yet it’s not attached it me,” Ciel smirked. “This is a first for me too.” Sebastian threw it on the dining table and sat back in his seat. “Things getting _too_ weird for you yet? Still want to be my boyfriend? You can always back out now.”

“I don’t let go of people I value that easily,” Sebastian smirked back. “I want you to be open with me. You don’t have to hide anything. I’m here for you no matter what.”

“Okay,” he smiled. “I know what you meant, and besides when I first got it and had some friends check it out no one else has touched it.”

“What so you passed it around? Played hot potato with it?” he started laughing.

“Shut up, you dork! No I had to be sure it was passable! I was worried it wouldn’t feel real enough. But you were the first in any sexual situation,” he took a bite out of the toast. “Sure fooled you.”

“Wait,” Sebastian put his hands up and stopped laughing. “You said you fooled around before, so you never let anyone touch you?” Ciel shook his head. “Did they even _try_ to pleasure you?”

“It wasn’t really your everyday hook up. They didn’t even know who I was. It’s not a breakfast appropriate conversation.”

“Nothing about this is,” Sebastian rolled his eyes. “We can talk about it a different time. Just know I will never push you into something you’re not comfortable with. Just because things happened before doesn’t mean I expect anything more until you’re ready. Believe me I’ve had my share of hook ups and I’d much rather have someone I care about by my side.”

“Thank you,” Ciel smiled. “Sex is complicated for me, I want to have it but it messes with me, psychologically,” he tapped a finger to his head. “Like you said, we’ll talk about it a different time.”

“You seem to like holding hands, hugging, and kissing, and right now that’s enough for me. I just like being close to you.”

“I like that,” Ciel nodded. “So let’s read what the old man sent that started this shit show.” He opened the envelope and scanned over the hand written letter and scoffed.

“What’s it about?” Sebastian leaned in.

“It’s a dinner invitation for the end next month, looks like a lot of my dad’s side of the family will be there,” he frowned. “I’d rather not go but they say it’s important I attend. Maybe a rich relative croaked.”

“Ciel!”

“What? I’m not hoping that’s what happened! I’m just guessing.”

“Still,” Sebastian shook his head. “Are you going to it?”

“Looks like I have to. I haven’t seen mom in a while. I miss seeing her; it’s just the rest of the family,” he sighed. “Seb, would you go with me? I really don’t want to be there by myself.”

“Of course I will,” he grabbed Ciel’s hand and squeezed. “Remember I’m your support system,” his eyes widened with realization. “Most of your family treats you as female don’t they?” Ciel nodded.

“Lizzie will be there, probably Alois too, but it makes me feel better knowing you’ll be there for sure. I can only handle so much…negativity.”

“I don’t understand how your family can’t accept you. It just blows my mind, I’m so sorry Ciel.”

“Hey, I have you, Lizzie, Al, and everyone at the club…well the locals anyways. Speaking of, Agni is dying to have us over!”

“I know. I’m off Sunday if that works for you. He told me that Soma and him are both free.”

“Yeah that would be perfect! Soma and Agni will be so excited to hear we’re dating too!” Ciel finished his breakfast and got up from his seat. “You know as soon as Lizzie and Al know they’re going to want to do a double date,” he giggled.

“Don’t tell them right away then.”

“Why?” he tilted his head.

“I’d like to have you all to myself for our first date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping to have chapter 6 done soon. I'm excited to write more with Soma and Agni! They're all lovey-dovey! Also there will be some smut in the next chapter! If you like this story please leave me some kudos!
> 
> Also I wanted to note that every person is different, this also applies to trans people. Some only socially transition, some medically, some take hormones, some get surgery, there is no 'typical trans way of life.' For this story Ciel will not ever take hormones and right now he has only socially transitioned. There's a HUGE social stigma, even within the LGBT+ community, for trans people who do not take hormones or medically transition. Please do not leave any hate because I chose to write Ciel this way. He is still a trans man.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I'm so sorry I took so long to update. I want to put my all into this story, it's so important to me. I wasn't in the best health but I'm doing better now. I'm hoping to update more regularly now. As always, feel free to comment, send kudos, follow me on tumblr and send questions https://cielpansyhive.tumblr.com/
> 
> Trigger warnings for this chapter: Use of AFAB anatomical terms for Ciel, though I try to keep it to a minimum. Smut at the end of the chapter, but it can be skipped if it makes you uncomfortable. Smut after the *

“Would you stop fidgeting? You look fine!” Ciel lightly slapped Sebastian’s arm. Sebastian dropped his hand away from the cuff of his grey shirt. “Honestly who wears a button down in August? It’s boiling out here! It’s just Agni and Soma, it’s not like you’re meeting my parents,” he rolled his eyes. _I’m sure Soma probably has hardly any clothes on and this loser looks like he’s meeting with a top CEO._

“I don’t know them as well as you do, I want them to like me,” Sebastian mumbled. Ciel looked down at his tattered jeans and teal sneakers and shook his head.

“They already like you, they wouldn’t have invited you otherwise,” he pushed the door bell and smirked.  “Think you can handle Soma?” Before Sebastian had time to reply the door opened, standing behind it was a very masculine looking Agni. Without the flutter sleeves around his biceps, his muscles looked bigger. His face was clear of any trace of makeup, fine lines were settled around his eyes. The lines deepened as he smiled. His long grey hair was braided to one side, his ears and multiple gold hoops were visible. He also adorned his nose with a thick golden hoop through the septum. This time, without any shoes on, he only stood a head taller than Sebastian.

“Welcome my friends!” Agni stepped to the side to let them through. Sebastian just stared unblinkingly at Agni. Ciel chuckled and walked through the door way.

“Wow, you look a lot different!” Sebastian blurted then blushed bright red in embarrassment. Agni smiled more and let out a small giggle.

“I would hope so! I don’t work so hard on my drag look to look the same as I do every day.”

“Ah, I’m sorry!” Sebastian stepped inside and shut the door behind him. “I just, I guess I didn’t expect you to look so…manly? You make a really pretty girl, so I…” Agni covered his mouth as he laughed loudly. _Real smooth Sebastian._

“You would not say that if you saw me a couple years ago! Oh my I was a hot mess!” Agni waved them towards the dining room. The house was small but welcoming, art embellished the walls, and many warm tones covered the space. The dining room walls were a spicy pumpkin, the table and chairs were a deep mahogany, delicate gold accented the room. Soma was seated in one of the four chairs already, eyes glued to the screen of his phone. His purple tinted locks were pulled up in a messy bun on the top of his head. His plain white crop top showed off his toned and jeweled belly.

“Agni I need your opinion!” Soma shouted, not realizing everyone had moved into the same room. He jolted when he looked up then smiled. “Ah, hello guys! Glad you came here!” he stood up and ran to Ciel hugging him so hard he lifted him slightly off the ground. As soon as he let go he pulled Sebastian into a tight hug next. “How have you two been?”

“Good,” Ciel sat down and motioned for Sebastian to sit next to him. “We’re a couple,” he remarked cheerfully.

“Oh how nice,” Soma ran over to Agni and shoved his phone at him. Agni smiled and mouthed ‘congratulations’ to them so not to interrupt his boyfriend. “So should I go all out and get the blue contacts or the green? It might be fun to completely change up my look, but I do like a little more natural and…hold up…” He turned and looked at Sebastian and Ciel. “You’re together?” They nodded. Soma slammed this palms on the table. “You know about Ciel then?” he narrowed his thickly lined eyes at Sebastian. Sebastian swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded again. “You understand he is a man right? Just like any other man. He is not someone for your own sick experimentation or fetish. You better not break his heart! What are your intentions with my son?” Sebastian was nervously sweating; he never imagined this viscous side to Soma. How could such a cute, tiny, bubbly man be so frightening?

“Oh my god, leave him alone, his intentions are good,” Ciel brought a palm to his face. _Always such a drama queen._ “Soma, I’m older than you! You can’t claim me as your son!” In a flash Soma was once again smiling like nothing happened and Sebastian was left confused.

“But how nice would it be if me and Agni adopted you?” he whined and sat down. “We’d be such a cute little family!” Agni left for the kitchen shaking his head. “Sorry Sebastian, I’m very protective of my dear friend,” Soma apologized. “I like you, you seem kind, but there are some sick people out there and Ciel, he doesn’t have any dating experience.”

“Like you’re an expert at dating? You’ve only been with Agni forever,” Ciel rolled his eyes. “You haven’t even begun to play the field!”

“I don’t need to, I found my soul mate,” Soma smiled dreamily. “To think, if I didn’t go to that awful speed dating event I would have never met him,” he chuckled. Sebastian finally settled in, nerves still a little shook.

“You met through speed dating?” Sebastian asked. “So those things actually work?”

“Yes, it was set up specifically for gay men. It’s hard to find any in this town! A lot of them are still in the closet.  Don’t even get me started on online dating! Pfft you either get a creep or your dream man 20,000 miles away!” Agni walked back in and sat down next to Soma.

“Dinner won’t be done for another hour and twenty minutes, I hope that’s alright,” Agni smiled.

“That’s fine, Soma was just telling us about how you met,” Sebastian returned a smile.

“Oh yes, it was a disaster! I was so nervous,” Agni laughed. “I was the oldest one there. I felt so out of place! All these recent high school graduates and then there’s me.”

“It’s a good that I happen to have a thing for silver foxes,” Soma winked. “He was a stuttering mess and his face was so red! He was just adorable.”

“In my defense it was my first time trying to flirt with men, without alcohol I might add. It really was my first interaction being ‘out’ publicly. At my age it’s a little embarrassing, not everyone can be as outgoing or sure of themselves as Soma.”

 “Agni, you’re being a bad host!” Soma abruptly stood up. Everyone turned to stare with puzzled looks. “You didn’t offer our guests anything to drink!” Agni blushed and turned to Ciel and Sebastian.

“I’m so sorry! When I start talking of when Soma and I started dating I lose track of everything!”

“It’s okay,” Ciel laughed. “Soma you can just get us some water.” Soma ran off to the kitchen.

“You guys are really in love aren’t you?” Sebastian mused.

“Yeah, three beautiful years together, I would love to make it a lifetime,” Agni gazed off at the direction Soma was last headed.

“Aren’t they adorable?” Ciel whispered. _I hope that’s us one day._ Sebastian nodded and smiled.

“So have you always known or did you just one day figure out you were gay?” Sebastian questioned. “I don’t mean any offense by it,” he spat out quickly. “Just you mentioned you weren’t always publicly ‘out.’”

“Oh no worries friend,” Agni played with the gold hoops in his ears. “I think part of me knew before I married Mina, but I was never certain. I never dared to explore anything.”

“Oh, you were married before?”

“She was a wonderful woman, I have no ill feelings and I hope she doesn’t either,” Agni sighed. “I wish I could have spared Mina the pain and give her back all the years she lost. I really did love her, just not in the way she needed me to. She deserves a family, something that I couldn’t give her.”

“But now you both have a chance at happiness, I mean look at you,” Sebastian gestured.

“Yes, I’m sure she found someone by now. I just hope he respects her and treats her well. As for me, my prince is all I need.”

“Everyone at the club loves you and you know it,” Soma stated as he walked in balancing four glasses of water. Agni took two of the glasses from him.

“You should have told me you needed help,” Agni shook his head.

“I didn’t need help,” Soma insisted. “On the subject of _our_ family, I think if we chose a surrogate mother that Agni should be the biological father. Don’t you agree?” he asked Ciel and Sebastian.

“Let’s not talk about that now,” Agni halfheartedly glared at Soma. “We have guests.” Ciel had heard bits of their arguments before. They usually involved the idea of future children.

“We have family over and family should know what’s going on in our lives,” Soma countered. “Besides you’re not getting any younger.”

“I’m sure you two have a while to think about children,” Sebastian smiled. “You guys act like Agni’s ancient,” he laughed.  Agni scowled and muttered something quietly. “What was that?”

“I’m forty-five,” Agni grimaced. “I try not to think about it but someone,” he darted his eyes towards Soma, “likes to remind me that the biological clock is ticking.”

“Oh, wow!” Sebastian nearly dropped his glass of water. “Not that that’s even old! I just would never have guessed!” he defended. “I mean you don’t act it and you certainly don’t look it!” Agni’s face softened again.

“Well thank you, I do try to take care of myself,” he played his long braid. “I do owe a lot to my better half. Before Soma I was a completely different person.”

“Yeah you always had a stick up your ass,” Soma snickered. Agni playfully slapped Soma’s hand and left his hand to rest on top. Agni paused and became very stoic, battling with himself with what to say next.

“My family was very traditional and strict. You didn’t ask questions, you just did as you were told,” he shrugged. “Mina’s family knew mine and that’s how we eventually ended up marrying. It was just always expected of us. Our divorce, it was messy. Her family said it would look bad, mar their name. My family said if I walked away from my marriage I was walking away from them,” his voice quivered but he pressed on. “My parents didn’t believe in divorce, they said it is dishonorable. When they found out it was because I wasn’t attracted to women, that not only I would ruin their name but also chase after men…” he exhaled and waited a moment before he could continue. “That was five years ago, I haven’t talked to a single member of my family since. Not my parents, not even my siblings.”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian couldn’t look his friend in the eyes. Too worried if he saw tears he would cry too. Agni seemed so happy and strong always, it was shocking.

“I’m not,” Agni squeezed Soma’s hand. “They have missed the man I’ve become, they will never know my wonderful partner, and it is because their love was conditional. I’m glad they are not part of my life, I’m a much stronger person without them.” Ciel smiled and raised his glass. _There’s the Agni I know, always looking on the positive side._

“It might just be water, but the sentiment is there,” Ciel nudged Sebastian. They all raised their glasses. “To Agni!”

“This, this is what family should be,” Agni beamed. He fanned his face and laughed. “No tears tonight! This isn’t some soap opera. It’s supposed to be a fun night!” They all laughed. “Thank you for being here and not bolting as soon as I got emotional.”

“I would never, if anything I was worried you guys wouldn’t like me and would kick me out!” Sebastian smirked.

“Hey as long as you don’t murder me or something, they’ll like you,” Ciel scoffed. “They’ve put up with me for god knows how long!”

“We love our little blue grumpkin!” Soma teased. “You’re coming to our next show right? Sebastian never got to see me in all my elegance!”

“You’re about the same,” Ciel downed to rest of his water. “Just even more energy and twice as obnoxious. I’m going to refill my glass. Anyone else need a refill?” he got up and snatched the empty glasses. Soma followed Ciel into the kitchen.

“I’ll help! Maybe we can find something to snack on. I don’t know why Agni chose something that takes forever to cook!” Soma complained.

“Because I wanted to try a new recipe!” Agni called. As soon as Soma and Ciel were in the next room Agni leaned in close enough that he could whisper to Sebastian. “So, you said you were interested in drag?” Sebastian looked over to make sure the door to the kitchen was completely shut.

“Well I don’t know if interested is the right word,” he blushed. “I’m just curious. It’s not something I really ever thought about in any context. I certainly never thought of it for myself but…seeing you as, well you verses in drag. I just thought really feminine, tiny guys looked good, not guys like,” he motioned to himself and Agni.

“Believe me, there are a lot of muscular queens, down right manly men,” he chuckled. “If you know what you’re doing though no one would ever even know.”

“So if I were, and I mean if, I were to possibly dress in drag, I could look somewhat decent?”

“I think it could work,” Agni studied him. “We’d have to find you style of course. I think black would really contrast nicely with your skin tone.”

“This is all hypothetical!” _I don’t have the balls to cross dress! I barely managed to send Agni that text!_

“Of course,” Agni smiled like a cat that just caught a canary.

“Just one of the many things on my bucket list, maybe it’s not even on my bucket list. I’m just asking questions is all!” _Who am I trying to convince? Him or myself?_

“Sure.”

Soma and Ciel were rummaging around the cabinets oblivious to what was going on in the other room.

“How do you not have chips in this bloody house?” Ciel accidentally knocked down a box of rice.

“I told you we do have some!” Soma tried.

“Plain pita chips and hummus, yeah so delicious,” Ciel mocked. “What’s wrong with you? Where are the potato chips? Chocolate covered potato chips sound really good right now. Do you have any chocolate?” _I need food! I need salty and sweet or I’m going to die! Damn these health nuts! I haven’t had a candy bar since…when was it? Yesterday?_

“Ciel, how can you put all that over processed, greasy junk in your body?”

“Easy, I just open my mouth.” _What the hell are we going to have for dessert?! Don’t tell me there isn’t any!_

“No wonder you could never keep up with us at the gym! Your body is probably swimming in oil!”

“No! I couldn’t keep up with either of you because I was using muscles I didn’t even know I had!” he sat on the counter top, giving up his search for snacks.

“We need to get you in shape! I’m sure if your boyfriend starts going to the gym with us you’ll join.”

“Nah, you can have him! Nothing is going to make me train with you guys again. Too much work!”

“Speaking of your boyfriend,” Soma hopped into the counter next to Ciel. “How did that happen? How did you tell him about your situation?” _Not very well…_

“My dad addressed a letter to me,” Ciel sighed. “Even when I’m not living with him, he always finds a way to fuck me over.”

“So you were forced to tell him, did he seem okay with it?”

“Yeah he actually took it better than I imagined. I mean he had no idea until then! He just sees me as me.”

“Good,” Soma wrapped an arm around Ciel and pulled him into a side hug. “I’m so happy for you. You deserve someone special, someone who will be by your side always.”

“Still I don’t know what this is. I mean this is my first serious relationship. What if it ends badly? What if it doesn’t last at all?” _What if I’m too much for him?_

“Who says it’s going to end? Don’t even think of stuff like that,” Soma brushed his hand through Ciel’s short blue hair. “No one can predict the future. Why worry about something that may never happen?”

“You’re such a good friend.” Soma hopped off the counter and held a hand out to help Ciel down. “Let’s get back to those two dorks.”

They all chatted over dinner. They discussed plans for events at Revamp, work, Alois and Lizzie’s romance, and when dinner was put away Soma let his pet Bengal out of his room. Sebastian rolled around on the floor with the Bengal, fascinated with its unique soft coat. Agni packed up some leftovers for them to take with them. He also slipped a little bag to Sebastian. When Ciel and Sebastian got home Sebastian opened up the little bag. It contained black nail polish and eyeliner. Sebastian sent a quick thank you text to Agni before he set to painting his nails for the first time. It was sloppy but he smiled down at his onyx lacquered nails. _Black does look good on me,_ he mused.

*

As it got later into the month, the heat wasn’t near as bad at night. Sebastian and Ciel both had another night off together and decided to spend it snuggled on the couch watching a horror movie. It was a newly released movie on Netflix neither of them heard of. Sebastian focused on the screen that displayed a creepy old house that was haunted or inhabited a demon, he wasn’t sure. He really tried to pay attention but it was hard to with Ciel pressed up against his side, moving his hands around. Ciel ran his hand over Sebastian’s abdominal muscles, feeling each hard bump through the thin tank top. He was much more interested in getting familiar with his boyfriend than the movie. Besides their drunken night before they started dating they hadn’t gone beyond kisses. Ciel was too self-conscious and Sebastian didn’t want to push anything. Ciel felt bold tonight, empowered, it helped that Sebastian was slightly distracted by the screams coming from the television. He slowly lowered his hand to Sebastian’s thigh and teased along the top of it. Sebastian quietly sucked in a breath but otherwise tried to ignore Ciel’s wandering hands. Ciel made his way to between muscled thighs and groped at his half-hard cock. Sebastian turned his head towards Ciel, eyebrows raised.

“Uh, what are you doing?” Ciel just smiled as he rubbed his hand on the stiffening bulge. Sebastian let out a grunt and pushed his hips toward Ciel’s hand. “You know, you don’t have to do this,” Sebastian gasped. Ciel smirked and pressed down firmer earning quiet moan. _God I love how responsive he is._

“I want to though,” Ciel climbed onto Sebastian’s lap and ground his hips into him. “I’ve waited long enough.” He peppered little kisses on Sebastian’s neck and let his hands glide under the tank top pushing it up and out of the way. Sebastian took the hint and tugged it off of him. Sweat glistened on his firm chest with each heavy breath. He moved his hands to hover over Ciel’s thighs.

“Can-can I touch you?” he pleaded. Ciel pulled back and bit his lip nervously. “I won’t, if you don’t want me to.” Ciel grabbed his hands and placed them on his ass.

“This, this is okay,” he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Sebastian’s. He let out a surprised gasp when Sebastian roughly dug his fingers into the soft flesh, kneading it. Sebastian’s tongue pushed past Ciel’s plump lips to explore. Hips clashed into each other and moans grew louder. Sebastian pushed and pulled Ciel on top of him, rubbing him against his swollen dick. Ciel gripped onto his shoulders, little nails leaving crescent marks. His toes curled in bliss of the friction as he made up his mind.

“Ngh! Se-Seb, you c-can touch me,” Ciel moaned. Sebastian stopped and slowly moved one hand to the front of Ciel’s shorts and leaving the other on Ciel’s ass to support him. He snuck his hand under the waistband of Ciel’s shorts and underwear and let his hand gently apply pressure without any intention. He watched Ciel’s expression as he started to move his fingers, searching. He didn’t want to startle him or make him uncomfortable.

“Is this okay?” his thumb lightly teased against Ciel’s clit as his other fingers lazily ran along his folds. Ciel’s hips jerked forward of their own accord, seeking more friction.

“Mmha, y-yes,” Ciel pressed his heated face into Sebastian’s chest, hands gripping tighter onto strong shoulders. “Good,” he mumbled into the warm flesh. Sebastian added a little pressure to tease through the fleshy hood. Ciel tried to quiet himself by sucking a mark right under Sebastian’s collar bone.

“Fuck you’re wet,” he moaned feeling fluid covering his fingers. He slid his thumb up and down the hard nub, rubbing circles into it randomly. It throbbed against his hand and Ciel whimpered and squirmed in his lap. “And hard…” he experimentally closed his thumb and index finger around Ciel’s arousal and tugged it up and down slowly, mimicking how he would move his hand to please himself. Ciel bit hard into his shoulder and groaned. “Aah! Don’t bite so hard,” Sebastian chuckled as he continued to move his hand.

“S-sorry,” Ciel panted. “Just so good,” he pushed his hips in time with Sebastian. He lifted his head up and looked into warm brown eyes that held such adoration. He sucked in a breath and closed his hand around Sebastian’s wrist, halting his movement. “S-stop.”

“What?” Sebastian blinked. _Did I do something wrong?_ He thought. Ciel moved Sebastian’s hands to rest on the couch. He pushed down Sebastian’s lounge pants as much as he could and freed his cock. He stood up on shaky legs and slid out of his blue shorts and underwear. He quickly covered himself with his hand.

“Don’t, don’t look okay?” Ciel’s voice shook with nervousness. Sebastian opened his mouth to say something but was cut off. “I’m not ready for-for that,” he sat himself back on Sebastian’s lap. “Just what we were doing before,” he blushed as he pressed himself against Sebastian and grinded. His wetness helped him to slide easily over the heated flesh. He tilted his head back and groaned. “Is-is this okay?” Sebastian brought a hand up to grip onto Ciel’s locks, his other arm wrapped possessively around Ciel’s waist. Ciel held onto the backing of the couch and pressed against Sebastian harder, bucking his hips faster. His eyes rolled back into his head.

“Yeah, that-that’s good,” he pulled Ciel’s hair and was rewarded with a loud groan. Ciel’s thighs trembled and the couch creaked under his hands. Sweat gathered by his pinched brows, face flushed a rosy pink. Breathy gasps escaped his full lips. “Fuck you’re beautiful!” Sebastian moved both hands to Ciel’s hips and helped him to rock faster, digits digging into the soft flesh of his hips. “Such a good boy, are you going to cum for me?” he whispered into his ear. Ciel only whimpered in response, his climax almost tipping over. Sebastian bit at his neck, sucking little marks. He bit down hard at his collar bone and Ciel came. His hips jerked in involuntary spasms riding out his orgasm. Sebastian couldn’t help the smile from spreading on his face, feeling accomplished. He kissed Ciel’s temple and nuzzled into his hair. Their panting filled the room, chests heaving as they gazed in each other’s eyes.

“Seb-Sebastian?” Ciel finally breathed. Sebastian nodded in response and thrust up against Ciel. His glasses sliding down his sweat slicked face. Ciel had worked him up. He knew it wouldn’t take much to set him off.

“Almost,” he pressed his open mouth to Ciel and pushed his tongue in. Moans were fed into each other. Ciel tried to squeeze his legs together, still oversensitive, as his second orgasm unexpectedly hit. Sebastian gave a final thrust, nearly knocking Ciel off his lap as he arched his back and came between their stomachs. They lazily kissed until they both needed to break for air. Sebastian looked at Ciel’s cum splashed shirt. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he chuckled. Ciel quickly put his shorts back on and sat back down snuggled into Sebastian, ignoring the sticky mess.

“I’m not,” Ciel smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, if you haven’t looked through the tags do so now as I’m not going to mention any more warnings from this point on. Also I’d like to note as a trans person myself it is not my intention to offend, trigger, or fetishize trans men. This chapter does contain a lot of smut and I use AFAB terminology for Ciel. I write Ciel this way because:  
> 1) A lot of the members of the fandom have other first languages, which are not English. I didn’t want anything to get lost in translation. If Ciel is read as a cis man instead of a trans man, well there goes a huge chunk of the story.   
> 2) Right now the story is following Ciel’s journey and how he views himself. In later chapters the terms I use might/most likely will change to be more ambiguous or masculine as Ciel becomes more comfortable and confident in himself.  
> *  
> I’m sorry for the lack of updates. As some of you may know in the course of a few months my uncle was diagnosed, treated, and lost his battle with brain cancer. This obviously affected me and my family deeply. This time of year is always tough on me anyways as it’s the anniversary of my cousin’s fatal accident. It was hard to create or to do anything at all. Any time I tried to get back up I was knocked back down. Two more of my friends passed away before the year ended. I spiraled more into depression. I was struggling for a while but I’m doing much better now. I’m excited and inspired to create again. I should be back on track to update more regularly. Thank you all for waiting for me.  
> As always feel free to follow me on tumblr: https://cielpansyhive.tumblr.com/

Ciel had only been home alone for a few hours when he heard the sound of the front door being unlocked. _Huh? Sebastian isn’t supposed to be home for a while._ He heard the keys drop and a quite ‘fuck’ from the other side of the door. He set his laptop on the coffee table and went for the door. He opened it, revealing a disheveled Sebastian. His onyx hair rustled like he was pulling at it. His whole face was flushed, eyes swollen and nose bright red. He sniffled as his lip quivered. _The fuck?_

“Sebastian? What happened?” Ciel reached a hand out. Sebastian covered his face with his hands and sobbed into them. He only walked a few steps into the house before he collapsed on the ground. Ciel kneeled next to him and rubbed his back. “What’s wrong?” Sebastian cried louder and curled up tighter. Ciel pried Sebastian’s hands from his face. “Hey! What happened?” Ciel shouted trying to snap Sebastian out of his fit. “Are you hurt?” Sebastian didn’t look injured but Ciel had never seen Sebastian so broken. _Please say something!_ He held his breath, waiting for Sebastian to show any sort of response. He gave his hands a gentle reassuring squeeze. Sebastian looked through his tear spattered glasses and bit his lip, trying to quiet himself. “Nod yes or no,” Ciel prompted. “Are you hurt?” Sebastian shook his head no. Ciel sighed in relief. “Did something happen at work?” Sebastian whimpered and nodded yes. “Why don’t we move to the couch okay?” Ciel stood up and helped Sebastian to his feet, they shuffled to the couch. Sebastian sat down and exhaled deeply. He seemed a little calmer but still distant. “You want to talk about it?” Ciel offered, not really expecting a response. A few minutes of silence passed before Sebastian nodded.

“Th-they h-had to put down Bobby,” he finally let out. He wiped at his fresh tears.

“Hey,” Ciel leaned in and took off Sebastian’s glasses and sat them on the table. He lifted Sebastian’s legs up onto the couch so he could lie down and crawled on top of him. He combed his fingers through thick inky locks. “Was he one of the cats?” Sebastian nodded and choked on his spit as he tried to talk. Ciel shushed him and kept combing through his hair. It could have been minutes, it could have been an hour, Ciel didn’t say anything, just let Sebastian quietly cry it out. Eventually Sebastian cleared his throat.

“I fostered him, before I got kicked out of my apartment. He never even got his forever home,” his voice thick with grief.

“I’m so sorry Seb,” he hugged him as tight as he could and rested his head on Sebastian’s chest. “What was he like?”

“Fluffy, orange, and he purred whenever you held him like a baby. He loved to snuggle,” Sebastian smiled. “I could carry him around all day and he’d love it, he wasn’t fussy at all. I wanted to adopt him…I really thought of it…I wish…” he covered his mouth and repressed a sob. _Oh Seb._

“He sounds like he was the perfect cat,” Ciel smiled sympathetically. “I’m sure you made him happy with the short time he was with you.”

“Oh he was spoiled,” Sebastian let out a broken laugh. “Every time I went into the kitchen he thought he was getting fed.”

“Well did you feed him every time?”

“Of course! I couldn’t say no to those big green eyes.” Ciel let Sebastian reminisce about the cat until he finally fell asleep, thoroughly exhausted. Ciel carefully removed himself from Sebastian’s lap and threw a blanket over Sebastian. He checked his phone and saw it was past the time he had originally planned on meeting up with his aunt and her partner. He shot over a text saying he was on his way. _I hate leaving Seb like this, but I think he’ll rest better without me here to disturb him anyways_. _His head will probably hurt after all that crying._ Ciel placed a couple aspirin and a bottle of water on the table. He sat Sebastian’s cell phone on the table as well just in case he woke up before Ciel came back. Ciel was as quiet as possible when he exited the house.

*

“Ciel, darling!” called a loud voice as soon as he opened the door to the club. He was swept up in a blur of red, two tall bodies squishing him into a hug.

“Hello, whoever’s boobs are in my face please remove them,” Ciel mumbled. Both women laughed as they let go of him. Ciel could now see both had on equally revealing, predominantly red outfits.   _Not at all surprising, I don’t think either of them own anything in any other color._

“I thought you should appreciate them close up, god knows I paid enough for them,” Grell cackled. They showed Ciel to the table they were staying at. It was still a while before the crowd would get there, only a few tables were taken, mostly by older gay couples. “How have you been hun?”

“Good, well not today, but other than that…” before Ciel could finish Angelina slammed her red nailed hands on the table.

“Okay, who do I have to murder? What did they do to you?” she seethed. _Anne, forever a momma lioness._

“Anne, nothing happened!” he waved his hands. “My boyfriend had a bad day at work and I think I did a shit job of comforting him. I did what I would for a friend but, I feel like I should have been more supportive. Things just feel different now, everything is on a whole new level.”

“Are you regretting leaving the single life now?” Anne cheekily replied.

“No, but I feel like I’m already a pretty bad boyfriend,” Ciel picked up a drink menu and scanned over the drinks, even though he knew them all by heart.

“I’m sure you’re not, it’s a learning process,” Grell chimed in. “You’ve never had a serious relationship, give yourself a break.”

“I know, still,” Ciel sighed. “Did you two have an awkward phase too?”

“Honey, we’re still in it,” Anne giggled. Grell playfully shoved her.

“We are not! You’re just a weirdo,” Grell sipped her bright pink drink.

“That’s DOCTOR Weirdo to you,” Anne rolled her eyes. She turned and waved at Bard and pointed to Ciel. He signaled okay and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. Anne focused her attention back to her table. “So other than the awkwardness, how are things going?”

“Great, Sebastian is so nice and supportive. I’ve liked him for so long, sometimes I can’t really believe he’s mine you know?” he smiled. Bard set a bottle in front of Ciel. “Thanks.” Bard smiled and headed back to the counter.

“You’re head over heels for that boy aren’t you? You have that starry eyed look,” Grell remarked. _Yeah and it’s only been about a month, I’m terrified._

“Yeah,” he took a swig from his beer. “Which is why I’m nervous,” he picked at the label on the bottle. _Come on, pull it together! This was one of the main reasons you asked to meet with them both! They’re not going to judge you, just spit it out._ “So…umm…” his cheeks tinted pink as he hid his eyes behind long blue bangs. “The two of you…”

“Oh my god!” Anne stomped her heels excitedly. “I’ve been waiting for this! You’re ready for the birds and bees talk!” _The fuck?_

“I’m twenty-five Anne, I don’t need ‘the talk’,” he air quoted. _Does she really think I’m that clueless? She has to know I watch porn._ Anne narrowed her gaze. “Fine, I do have sex questions!” he threw his hands up in defeat.

“I knew it!” Anne smirked.

“But it’s different from what you’re thinking…I know the mechanics behind everything, I just…well how was it when the two of you started out?”

“What do you mean?” Grell prompted. _Really? I guess I have to just be direct._

“Was it ever an issue? Having sex pre-op?” Ciel’s face was full on red in embarrassment.

“It was a little different, I don’t think it was an issue,” Anne shrugged. “I mean there weren’t any fights of who’s taking what strap. Though there was a lot of muffing.” _Okay I did not need to know that._

“Don’t remind me!” Grell groaned. “I miss muffing, don’t get me wrong I love the way I am now and I have no regrets. But that was a lot of fun,” her green eyes sparkled. _No, sick, these are my aunts! Curse these sex positive loons. I need brain bleach._

“Ugh, no no no no no no!” Ciel held his hands over his ears. “I didn’t want _details_! I just meant, Anne you had parts that Grell didn’t have but wanted to have. Wasn’t that a bit dysphoria inducing? How did you both deal with that?”

“Sometimes it was bad,” Grell nodded. “But I could block it out most of the time, if it really got to me I just kept thinking and knowing one day I’d have surgery. That and I happen to have an amazing partner, she always made me feel comfortable and secure.” Grell held Anne’s hand and brought it to her mouth for a kiss. _They’re so cute and in love, I hope one day me and Seb can have that._

“I’m sure Sebastian will make sure you feel safe,” Anne reassured. “Give us cis people a little more credit, we’re not all idiots.”

“I know,” Ciel huffed. “I just, I already have gotten envious of Sebastian and I feel terrible about it. I just know I’ll never look like that or function like that and it makes me so angry. Not that I ever get mad at him, I get more mad at myself of being upset in the first place,” he rambled.

“Hold up! You’ve already been with him?” Anne’s jaw dropped. “And here I went and got you a care package and everything to make sure your first time was safe and comfortable.” She pulled out a black and red box from under the table and set it down. “I knew you’d move fast but my god! I thought you’d consult me first!”

“Okay,” Ciel looked bewildered. “First off, we haven’t gone all the way yet. Second, I don’t think aunts usually give their nephews a…” he motioned at the box. “What is this? A ‘here’s to hoping you lose your virginity kit?’” _How does this woman always catch me off guard?_

“If you knew all the things this lady has seen on a daily basis, you’d know why she put this together,” Grell choked on her drink as she laughed.

“Ciel, seriously! STDs, infections, hemorrhoids, you do not want to end up on my table with any of that!” Anne shoved the box closer.

“Okay, I get it. So the doctor part of you wanted me to have this? Still kind of weird,” he untied the bow and open the box. _Here I thought this night couldn’t get any more embarrassing._   He pulled out mini bottle after mini bottle of lube. “Why are there so many?” he voice went up as he shuffled through more items.

“Cause she always has a trunk full of lube and thought she’d unload some of them onto you,” Grell stated as if it were a normal occurrence.

“You always have a trunk full of lube,” Anne shot back, Grell blushed as bright as her hair. “I get them whole sale for the clinic, besides they’re all different!”

“They are?” he inspected a bottle and another. _Water-based, silicone-based, warming, cherry, numbing, oh my god this is mortifying…how the hell did mom deal with her growing up? She had to be just as obnoxious then._ “Uh, thanks. I’ll be sure to use this stuff…” he hurriedly stuffed it all back in the box.

“The condoms are at the bottom,” she winked. He shut the box and covered his face with his hands.

“Why must you always do shit like this?” Ciel complained.

“No one here is going to care,” she laughed. _I get it, there’s pornography on the walls, strippers on the stage some nights, condom and lube dispensers in the bathrooms, a freakin’ glory hole…right she doesn’t know about that one…I’m not going to be the one to tell her that._ “I don’t have kids of my own to embarrass, so you get to be the victim.”

“I’m so honored,” he rolled his eyes. “Thank you for thinking of me though,” he stood up and hugged Anne and Grell. “I’m still not sure how things are going to work and it’s only a matter of time. I don’t want to ruin it for Sebastian. I feel like I might get too freaked out, you know with me not having a dick?”

“You do have a dick, it’s just small,” Grell chimed in.

“Hey! Not helping!” Ciel pouted.

“What? You act like you don’t have one! I’m just letting you know you do, isn’t that helpful?” she smiled.

 “I guess? I mean, I never thought of it like that.” _I guess my junk is similar in structure in a way. That sounds so silly to claim it though, dicks are dicks right?_

“You’re not missing anything honey, it’s just different,” Anne agreed. “I see everything come through those doors and let me tell you everyone is different. There’s only one you and you define yourself, no one else can do that for you.”

“Thanks,” Ciel hugged them again, just a little tighter this time. Grell looked at her phone and tapped Anne on the shoulder.

“We better be heading back home, I have the morning shift.”

“Ugh, fine! You coming with Ciel?”

“I’m going to look at the schedule, I want to see what days Al has off.” They waved and parted ways. Ciel stuck his head in the backroom. _Great, powder puff squared are here._ The two platinum blondes were chatting amongst themselves as they rearranged their makeup station. _The guest makeup station_ , Ciel corrected himself. They used it so often, it might as well have belonged to them. He snuck in and pulled the clipboard from the wall, scanning as fast as his eyes let him for the nights Alois worked.

“Did you hear? Violet slit his wrists. ‘Wah I have dysphoria ‘cause people won’t use my ridiculous pronouns. I need more attention! Being a drag queen isn’t enough!’”

“You bitch,” the taller Charles playfully slapped the other as he laughed. _Violet did what?_

“What it’s true! I swear!” Grey laughed like it was the best joke he told all day. _It can’t be._ Ciel dropped the clipboard drawing both Charles’ attention.

“Vi tried to kill themself?” _When? What happened?_ Grey got up in Ciel’s face, no one was around, he didn’t have to play nice. He snarled and narrowed his steely grey eyes.

“Ugh, what are you doing here? No girls allowed! Their room is that way,” he pointed towards the burlesque dressing room. _Girl!?_ “Why don’t you just go gossip and sync up your cycles with those other bleeders, or whatever women do.” _That’s it!_ Before he could even think it through, Ciel’s fist was making contact with Charles’s nose. It landed with a satisfying crunch, red oozing instantly.

“Who’s the bleeder now bitch!” Ciel shook with anger, ready to throw another punch. Charles screamed, his boy toy ran to him and helped him sit on one of the red sofas.

“Oh my god! You little psycho!” he held his nose and glared. “Do you know how much this is going to cost to get fixed!”

“Like I care?” Both blondes shot daggers from their eyes.

“Argh! If you EVER lay another freaky finger on me, I will get you banned here for life!” _Banned for life? Fuck…I…I need to control myself…calm down._

“Fine!” Ciel swallowed, only partially regretting his actions. He stomped out still feeling sick over the news. _Who else knows? Why didn’t anyone tell me about Violet?_ He was on autopilot when he grabbed the box off his table, when he waved bye to Bard, the whole drive home. He didn’t even realize he was home until Sebastian wrapped his strong arms around him.

“I’m feeling a little better,” Sebastian’s voice was low. “I’m sorry if I scared you, it’s difficult for me to talk when I get like that.” Ciel blinked, still playing the day’s events in his head. _I can’t unload on him, not after what he went through today._ Ciel chewed on his lip dreading the idea of leaving the warmth that was Sebastian, even though he was sweating. It was a different warmth, _like home_.

“Seb?” he spoke quietly. “Do you want me to sleep in your bed tonight?” Sebastian looked puzzled. “So you don’t have to be alone?” _And so I don’t have to be alone._

“Yeah, if you want to, that’d be nice,” Sebastian let go stumbled towards the hallway in the low light. Ciel pulled out his phone and sent a mass text to his friends asking what and if they knew about Violet. _There’s no way Anne or Grell knew, but who would tell Charles of all people? That guy is a sociopath! I wonder if Violet is okay, fuck I wish I knew more! How can I sleep?_

By the time Ciel was ready for bed he found Sebastian already passed out with one leg hanging off the bed. _Elegant as always Seb._ He carefully shimmied under the covers. He faced away from Sebastian and let himself cry silently into the pillow.

*

The next morning Ciel’s phone blew up. He found out that he actually was the first person that knew something had happened to Violet, other than Bard. The hospital called Violet’s emergency contact number on their cell phone, which was the club. Someone found Violet unconscious and bloody in the bathroom of another bar. The hospital was going to keep Violet for observation and in an inpatient program for a few weeks. Charles, always loving to get dirt on everyone, had listened in on the conversation Bard had with the hospital staff. As much as they all wanted to visit Violet, they were refusing any visitors. Ciel spent the next few days quietly painting when he wasn’t at work, trying to distract himself from everything. When he focused on art he didn’t have to deal with the thoughts. The same thoughts that caused sleep to elude him. Every night he’d snuggle up in Sebastian’s bed. For support or for feeling guilty for being so distant during the day, he couldn’t say.

*****

A week went by before things were closer to normal. Sebastian suggested they should have a cozy night in. He cooked dinner and they had their first real conversation in a while. Both of them were finally smiling and joking, happier. They ended up in Ciel’s room that night, watching something on Netflix that neither could remember the name of. Some ‘because you watched this’ crap that wasn’t anything like the movie they did watch. Not that it mattered, Ciel was too distracted by Sebastian’s bare torso and Sebastian by Ciel’s hands exploring him. Sebastian had one arm draped around Ciel so Ciel could curl into him. It was like déjà vu. The memories had Ciel feeling restless, like a caged tiger being taunted with a steak.

“Are you planning on making a sculpture of me?” Sebastian spoke with amusement.

“Hmm?” Ciel continued to move his hand over the firm bumps of muscle.

“Well with the way you’re mapping me out,” he chuckled, muscles flexing involuntarily. Ciel chewed at the inside of his cheek. _I crave him. I NEED him._

“Oh,” Ciel blushed. “Hmm…no I don’t think I need to. I’m fairly sure I’ve seen a few of you in art galleries already,” he smiled. His skin prickled, it was gradually getting to hot for comfort.

“Very funny,” he rolled his dark eyes.

“Do you not know how gorgeous you are?” he sat up straighter and kissed up Sebastian’s jaw to his temple. “You can’t come to someone’s bed without a shirt and not expect to be the center of attention.”

“I was just getting comfortable, I didn’t mean to start anything by it,” he smirked. Ciel grabbed the remote and muted the tv. _Sure you didn’t._

“Well you did, so you better finish it too,” Ciel climbed into his lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. He dove in for a kiss and shut his eyes. _God how long has it been since we even kissed?_ He hummed, contented. Sebastian ran his hands under his shirt and up his back. He moaned into the kiss, loving the feeling of hands on his bare skin. _Maybe I can let him see me, let him touch me._ He broke the kiss and unhooked his arms from Sebastian. He swallowed nervously before pulling at the bottom of his shirt. Sebastian grabbed his tiny wrists.

“If you’re uncomfortable…you don’t have to take it off.”

“I am uncomfortable.” Sebastian frowned at the statement. Ciel smiled, “That’s why I’m taking this off.” He pulled the shirt over his head fast, before he could back out. He set it to the side and fought the urge to cover up his chest. Sebastian placed his hands around Ciel’s slim waist. He shivered though the hands on him were warm. Sebastian’s hands slowly moved up higher.

“Can, can I touch you?” he pleaded, hands waiting under the small breasts. Ciel bit his lip and nodded. Sebastian barely brushed against the soft skin, ghosting over the slopes and up to sharp clavicles. He traveled back down and thumbed at his nipples. Ciel whimpered as his nerves sent a jolt to his core. Sebastian  searched his expression for discomfort. “Are you okay?”

“Mmhmm,” Ciel didn’t trust his voice. Sebastian cupped and kneaded each breast, relieved when Ciel melted into his touch. He slid his hands to his Ciel’s back and pulled him flush against him, finally full skin to skin contact. They kissed noisily, panting and moaning, tongues exploring, hips grinding into each other. Sebastian flipped them and pushed Ciel’s legs on either side of him. He rut against him, hands holding tightly onto slim thighs. He moved to kiss Ciel’s neck, lightly sucking love bites until he reached where his neck met shoulder. He bit hard enough to leave teeth imprints on the snowy skin. “Aahh! S-seb!” Ciel bucked up into the hard bulge that was pressing against him. _I need more. Not enough!_ He bit at his shoulders and clavicles, enjoying how responsive Ciel was being, rocking harder into him breath hitching. He lowered to a breast and licked a stripe from the top to the nipple before gently sucking and rolling the bud in his mouth. _Why did he move? It was so good then…wait…his mouth is…he’s sucking on my breast. Breasts…I have breasts…no, bad, stop! Not right, not right!_  It was a few seconds before he realized how rigid Ciel was laying and that he was no longer moaning or moving his hips. Just as he unlatched he heard Ciel’s soft voice. “Seb, please stop…” He looked up to see Ciel with an almost sad expression. “Please don’t…”

“Ciel, I’m so sorry!” he hugged him the best he could from the awkward angle and rested his head on Ciel’s soft belly. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean too…” Ciel raked his hand through Sebastian’s onyx locks.

“It’s okay. I just would rather avoid anything there. What you were doing before was, uh nice.” Feeling a little uncertain Sebastian moved his hand to cup Ciel’s mound.

“Is here okay?” praying he didn’t ruin the mood. He didn’t mind himself but he didn’t want to ruin Ciel’s experience.  Ciel pushed himself into his welcoming hand.

“Yes,” he moaned and tried to shimmy out of his pajama bottoms. Sebastian tugged them down with his briefs. It was the first time he really got to look at Ciel. He had seen a few vulvas in his life but none quite like Ciel’s. Then again no one else was Ciel. The soft, plump folds were a dusky pink, but what really interested him was the ample, protruding clitoris. Sure he had felt it before, but seeing it standing tall and twitching, was different. “Don’t stare, it’s weird!” Ciel cut him out of his thoughts. _Oh god is he freaked out? He’s freaked out!_

“You’re beautiful,” he looked up at Ciel with affection shining clearly in his eyes. _Did he really just say that? I-I’m beautiful? He thinks that?_

“No, I’m not,” Ciel huffed, feeling conflicted. _How can he really mean that?_ He moved a hand to cover himself but Sebastian slapped it away. He kept his eyes locked with Ciel’s as he brought his mouth down. He gave a few kisses to the sensitive mound before letting his tongue lick up teasingly just shy of hitting right where Ciel wanted it. Ciel shuddered as Sebastian kissed and nipped the inside of his thighs. Ciel could feel his wetness starting to drip down. _Sebastian is going to kill me._ Sebastian gripped his hips to stop him from squirming, fingers almost bruising the pale flesh. “Se-,” he gasped as he was suddenly engulfed by Sebastian’s hot mouth. Sebastian paused for a few seconds, letting Ciel get used to the sensation, before slowly licking at the folds, parting them with his tongue. He groaned at the taste of the slippery fluid coating his tongue. _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ Ciel’s fingers wove their way into Sebastian’s hair, pulling the strands hard. He flattened his tongue as he licked up in broad strokes. He hollowed his cheeks and sucked on Ciel’s clit, flicking at the head every other beat.  Ciel whined as his legs shook and toes curled. “Seb, I’m…fuck I’m close,” he couldn’t breathe, he was overwhelmed. His thighs threatened to close in on Sebastian. Sebastian hummed in amusement, if his mouth wasn’t busy he would have smirked. Ciel’s back arched off the bed as he came, his eyes rolling back and shutting. Sebastian popped off of Ciel and wiped his mouth cheekily. He smiled as he watched Ciel jerk and catch his breath.

“Hey gorgeous,” he brushed a hand against Ciel’s cheek. Blue eyes fluttered open. “Did you enjoy that?”

“Hmm?” Ciel had a dazed expression as he stared at Sebastian. Sebastian crawled back up and hovered over Ciel. He slid off his sweat pants, freeing his painfully engorged dick. He straddled Ciel’s tiny thigh and humped it, desperate for some kind of friction, anything. Ciel kissed down Sebastian’s neck, sucking at his pulse.

“Ah fuck!” he moved a trembling hand to Ciel’s wet folds, running a finger along them before pressing in. It glided into Ciel’s entrance with little resistance. They moaned in unison as the hot, slick walls clenched around Sebastian’s finger. He thrust his dick in time with his finger. When Ciel started gripping at his shoulders and gasping, he dared to add another finger.

“Aah! T-that feels go-od,” Ciel panted out, getting use to the foreign feeling. He started to rock against the fingers and let out a low moan. Sebastian bit his lip, he felt dizzy, like too much blood was going to his cock and not his brain. He hadn’t been with anyone for a couple years and Ciel’s sounds were making him lose his composure. Sebastian’s body was shaking from holding back, cock twitching and dripping onto Ciel’s hip.

“Please Ciel. Can I fuck you?” he breathed into his ear and nibbled on the lobe. He gave a powerful thrust with his fingers as if to make a point.

“Yes, yes Seb,” Ciel moaned and pushed his hips up. _If it’ll feel anything like that, fuck yes!_

“Do you…do you have protection?” he reluctantly pulled away. Ciel pointed to the drawer of the end table. Sebastian opened it and shuffled through a few items before he found a condom. He tore it open and rolled it on with practiced ease. “You’re sure?” he stared into Ciel’s sapphire eyes finding them clouded with lust but focused. _Yes, please just do it!_ “We don’t have to, I can stop now.”

“I’m sure,” Ciel grabbed one of Sebastian’s hands and laced their fingers together. “I’ve waited long enough, for someone like you,” he smiled and nodded. “Please, I want this.”

“Okay,” he nodded. He used his other hand to guide his dick. “I’ll try to be gentle.” He pushed in, popping only the head through. _Ow,that’s-that’s a lot bigger than his fingers._  Ciel scrunched up his face and inhaled sharply. He pushed a few more inches in as slowly as possible. Ciel held his breath and pinched his eyes shut at the burning stretch. _You can get through this, endure it!_ It felt like an eternity before Sebastian gasped out. “Aaah! A-almost th-there. Fuck!” It was a tight fit that even hurt Sebastian. He grunted and gripped Ciel’s hip tighter, sure to leave bruises. Ciel squeezed Sebastian’s hand in a crushing grip. By the time he’s fully sheathed sweat dripped from his face and onto Ciel. Ciel’s breathing was painful and shallow. “Hey, are you okay?” he rubbed soothing circles into Ciel’s hand and sore hip. “Ciel?”

“Yeah…” he exhaled. “It hurts but its okay.” _The worst is over._ Sebastian stayed still a while longer not daring to move until Ciel was ready. “You…you can move,” Ciel insisted. Sebastian slowly pulled out and gave a few shallow thrusts. “Oh god, it hurts!” a few tears spilled out his eyes. Sebastian froze, alarm bells going off in his mind.

“Do you want me to stop?” he tried to pull out completely but Ciel stopped him by crossing his ankles and pulling Sebastian closer. _It’ll get better, it has to!_

“No, no keep going, I’m ready.” Sebastian started a slow pace, fighting the urge to pound into him with all his strength. _Why is it not getting better? Why does it hurt so much?_ Ciel’s tears didn’t let up as a sob escaped his lips. Sebastian unhooked Ciel’s legs from his waist and pulled out with a groan. He pressed kisses all over Ciel’s face, trying to erase the hurt. _What’s wrong with me? Why am I broken?_

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry, we don’t have to do this.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I can’t,” he started shaking with each sob. _I’m broken. My body can’t even…_ Sebastian untangled his hand from Ciel’s and held his face in both hands.

“Look at me, Ciel look at me,” he commanded. Ciel opened his eyes and tried to stifle another sob. “It’s okay. I’m not upset with you. Don’t apologize okay? I’m sorry I hurt you, I should have stopped sooner.”

“I’m okay,” he nodded and blinked away the remaining tears. “I’m okay.” Ciel stopped crying and his breathing evened out. Sebastian smiled reassuringly. He gave him a quick kiss and rubbed his arms before sitting up.

“I’m going to be right back okay?” he left the bed and walked to the bathroom. He flipped on the bathroom light and went to remove the condom. “What the fuck?” When he looked down he saw red. While he assumed he’d have some blood on his dick, he didn’t think he’d have it covering his thighs too. He tossed the condom in the trash and ran back to the bedroom. “Ciel are you okay?” he flipped on the light blinding Ciel for a minute. _What is he screaming about?_ Ciel had blood between his legs, all over his thighs, and some pooled under him. Ciel sat up and winced as more blood trickled out of him. “Are you in pain?” Sebastian’s eyes were wide and he paced around the bed unsure of what to do.

“I’m a little sore…oh my god!” Ciel eyed all the blood on him and the bed. “Um…I’m okay, it just looks bad.” _Am I trying to convince him or myself? I’m not in pain now, but fuck!_

“That’s a lot of blood! Fuck! I uh…what should I do? Do you need something? Of course you do…what am I saying?” _He’s panicking, now I’m worried. I need him to calm down, I can’t think!_

“Hey!” Sebastian froze looking completely terrified and lost at Ciel. “Umm…maybe run me a bath? That would be nice.”

“Okay, okay I’ll do that!” he ran to the bathroom and started the water. He came back and scooped up Ciel, carrying him like a bride.

“I, I can walk!”

“I don’t want you to move anymore than you have to,” he sat him on the toilet while the tub filled up. “Do you hurt anywhere?” _Sore, so sore._ Ciel looked down and mumbled. “What was that?” he tilted his head up.

“My back is really sore and umm…there,” he waved a hand by his crotch.

“I’m sorry,” he hugged around Ciel’s head and smoothed down his bright hair. “I shouldn’t have pressured you.”

“You didn’t! I wanted to be with you so bad! I don’t know what happened!” A silence fell between them as the tub filled. “Have you ever uh been with a virgin before?” Ciel blushed.

“I have, but this, this isn’t normal. Are you sure you’re okay?” Sebastian pulled back and studied Ciel’s face.

“I’m fine, quit acting like you stabbed me already,” Ciel pouted. He wasn’t mad at Sebastian, he was frustrated with himself. Sebastian shut off the water and helped Ciel stand up. Ciel winced as he lifted his leg over the edge of the tub. Sebastian stepped in after him. They both sat down, Sebastian pulled his legs as close to his body as possible to make more room in the cramped space. He rested a hand on Ciel’s shoulder.

“Can you lean forward?” Ciel nodded and brought his chest to the water, stretching out his back. Sebastian brought both hands to Ciel’s lower back and kneaded the stiff muscles. “Is this helping?” Ciel sighed.

“Mhm,” he let the warm water take some of the tension out of his body and relaxed into Sebastian’s hands. The water tinged a light pink. “Hey, what about you?” Ciel looked over his shoulder. “You didn’t get to finish.” Sebastian shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it,” he continued to press his thumbs into the notches of Ciel’s spine.

“But-“

“I said, don’t worry,” Sebastian slid his hands higher now working on all of Ciel’s back.

“I just, I want to make you happy,” Ciel mumbled feeling defeated.

“What will make me happy is if you see the doctor tomorrow,” Sebastian kissed the base of his neck. “I’m not upset, I’m concerned about you.” _Ugh, I don’t want to see a doctor! I probably should though._

“Fine,” Ciel sighed. “I feel like a loser.”

“Well don’t,” Sebastian pulled Ciel flush against him and wrapped his arms around him. They sat embraced for a while, only the soft drip of water echoing in the room. One of Sebastian’s hands gently rubbed away any remaining blood on them. Ciel drifted asleep, thoroughly worn out. Sebastian carried him back to bed and bundled him up in some fluffy towels. He draped a fresh sheet over them and snuggled into Ciel’s side. It was a few hours before his eyes were heavy and his mind quiet enough for him to fall asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thank you all so much for waiting so patiently! I'm sorry this took so much longer to update than what I originally intended. Life likes to throw the weirdest shit at us sometimes. No matter how long I may take between updates know that I will NEVER abandon this fic and I will finish it. Please leave kudos if you haven't already and comments make me smile! <3
> 
> There are two mini time skips, I hope that is okay with everyone. :)

“Ciel honey, you have to take your clothes off dear,” Angelina’s crimson coated lips pulled into a sweet smile. “The sooner I check you out, the sooner you can get out of here.”

“I know,” Ciel mumbled into his shoulder avoiding eye contact. His legs swung in nervousness, his feet bounced into the exam table. Sebastian was waiting for him out in the lobby. He insisted going with for moral support but Ciel forbid him from coming into the examination room with him. Ciel sighed and kicked off his black creepers. “Can I keep the shirt on?”

“Have you been doing self exams?” Angelina pulled open a drawer and rummaged through it. She caught Ciel’s nod out the corner of her eye. “Okay, it can stay on.” Ciel shimmied out of his dark jeans and briefs. He blushed as he looked at the rolled up sock safety pinned to his underwear. _I hope my new packer arrives soon, this is just embarrassing…I haven’t used socks for years!_ He covered himself with the thin sheet and scooted to the end of the table. Angelina set up the stir ups and smiled. “You know the drill.”

“Unfortunately,” Ciel rolled his bright blue eyes. He stuck his feet in and wiggled till his ass was almost off the table.

“I know,” she snapped on her gloves and rolled her tray of equipment over. “So how are you feeling today?”

“Sore, my back sort of hurts, I spotted some but it wasn’t like last night,” Ciel flopped an arm over his face.

“It’s just you and me here,” she whispered. “You can tell me, he didn’t force you did he?”

“No!” Ciel almost shot up. Angelina gently pushed him back. “I wanted it, I really did!”

“It’s okay, I just have to ask these things,” she pushed on his lower abdomen. “Is this tender?” Ciel shrugged as she felt around. She put a dab of lube on her fingers before she pressed two in.

“Ooookay that hu-urts!” Ciel grit out. She pulled back and brought a scope light and spectrum. “No, do we have too?” he whined.

“I have to check love,” she pushed it in; pain blossomed more and more with each click. “Just breathe, you’re doing great,” she looked around and swabbed the area. “Looks like minor tearing, no real damage,” soon as she removed the device he let out the breath he was holding in. “You can get dressed.”

“Thank god,” he hopped off the table and got redressed. “So if everything’s fine why was it so painful? Why did I bleed so much?”

“How big is his dick?” Ciel’s jaw dropped and eyes widened.

“I’m not telling you! Besides I don’t know inches!” Ciel buttoned his jeans.

“I’m not trying to get all in your business,” she defended. “But you’re very petite and seeing him compared to you-“

“He thought his dick broke me too,” he chuckled. “Dumb overgrown…”

“Well with the bleeding there was tearing. Tissues in that general area are rich in blood vessels. Most don’t bleed a lot their first time, but some unfortunately deal with what you had to. Don’t worry, it’s not a sign of anything serious.”

“But it hurt, like the worst pain I ever felt!” Ciel emphasized.

“Given your size difference, it could be physical. Or.”

“Or?” She tapped a finger to his head.   
“You could have over thought it. I see the anxiety you have whenever we do a checkup. I have other trans and cis patients whose bodies react similarly due to anxiety or stress.”

“Well excuse me for over thinking about the vagina I never asked for or wanted in the first place!”

“If you go into sex thinking like that, your muscles are going to tense. All of them!” she sighed and scribbled on her clip board. “Don’t think because it hurt this time, it’ll hurt every time. You’re not cursed or broken or whatever else you might be thinking. Try different things, and stop worrying so much.”

“But-“

“I see how concerned that Great Dane in the waiting room is for you, he’s not going to judge you. If this is something you both want bad enough, you’ll figure out a way to make it work. Okay?”

“Thanks,” Ciel rubbed the back of his neck. “See you later Auntie.”

“Oh come here!” she pulled him into an embrace. “You’re such a good boy! I still can’t believe you’re all grown up! My darling nephew!”

“Anne,” he blushed and ducked out of her arms. “Bye!” he hurried his way to the waiting room to find Sebastian nervously chatting away with Grell. Grell’s eyes sparkled as much as her pearly white teeth.

“Ciel!” Sebastian smiled. “Is everything okay? Is there anything we need to do? Do I need to pick up medicine? Should you be walking?” _Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this animated. Not even when he talks about cats._

“I’m fine, Anne even said so,” he straightened out with blue striped t-shirt self-consciously. He was thankful they were early enough to be the only ones in the waiting room.

“This one,” Grell pointed from behind her desk, “is a keeper! He’s done nothing but talk about you the entire time!” Ciel covered his strawberry red face in his hands.

“I was worried,” Sebastian explained. “She thought I was going to have a panic attack, so she told me to think of things that calmed me down.”

“And you didn’t talk about cats? Wow!” Ciel rolled his eyes.

“I thought of your eyes, how vibrant they are. Your soft voice when you’re sleepy. You singing songs in the shower, thinking you’re being quiet enough that I won’t hear.”

“What?” Ciel could feel the heat radiating off his face. “Ju-just…shut up!” he grabbed Sebastian’s arm and yanked him away from the front desk.

“Keeper!” Grell hollered as they left.

*

A few days later…

Sebastian held the door to the tattoo shop open for Ciel. Bright flash art decorated the walls and the buzzing of machines filled the room. An older man sat at the main desk, his wrinkled skin covered in faded blue-ish black designs. His arms were a collection of animals, koi, tigers, possibly even a dragon though the design was partially hidden under his shirt. He smiled at Sebastian and Ciel, he motioned for them to step forward. He took a sip of his tea before addressing them.

“What can I do you two for?” Sebastian cleared his throat and looked around the room. A few tattoo artists were steadily working on other clients. It was a sea of ink, leather, and metal.

“I umm, is there someone here that’s open to do a tattoo?” he held tightly onto paper with his design on it.

“Ho ho ho,” he raised his hand. “Let me see it son, if it’s not too difficult I can do it!” Sebastian handed over the little infinity symbol with paw prints and a heart. “Oh how cute!” he put on a pair of thick glasses. “Do you just want the line work? Any color?”

“I want the paws filled in black,” Sebastian blushed lightly. “I’m sure your usual customers want bigger pieces…this uhh, this is my first tattoo.”

“No need to be ashamed! If it’s important enough that you want it tattooed that’s good enough for me.”

“See, told you,” Ciel huffed. “He was worried he’d get turned down or beat up for a girlie tattoo,” he laughed.

“Nonsense!” the old man lifted his shirt up just enough to see his hip, on it was a very colorful Hello Kitty tattoo. “My granddaughter’s favorite, I wanted to have something to remind me of her when she’s not around. Besides, it’s cute as hell,” he chuckled. “So are you both getting tattoos?”

“Yes,” Ciel butted in. Sebastian raised his brows. “I’ve wanted to get it for a while,” he flipped through images on his phone and landed on a nautical star surrounded by flames. “I want this in color,” he showed the old man. He nodded and pointed them to his station.

“I’ll do them both if you don’t mind waiting, everyone else is tied up at the moment. These are my kind of tats anyways, can’t do that water color stuff all the kids like. But these are classic, strong lines.”

“Okay then,” Ciel jerked his head towards the chair. “You can go first Seb, I’m sure you’re nervous.”

“I’m not nervous,” he swallowed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Everyone’s nervous for their first tattoo,” Ciel reassured. “You’ll be fine.” Sebastian sat himself in the big black chair that looked like it belonged in a metal lion. Ciel smiled knowing what Sebastian had thought.

“So you’re nervous?” Sebastian challenged.

“Ain’t my first rodeo,” he winked.

“You don’t have tattoos!”

“You mean you never noticed them!” he accused. “I guess they are pretty small and in places that are hidden.”

“I’m pretty sure if they’re in ‘well hidden places’ I wasn’t exactly thinking of tattoos in the moment,” Sebastian smirked.

“Got me there,” he scrolled through his phone. The old man came back with some markers.

“I like drawing the designs on my canvases. I think they look more organic that way, part of the body. Where’s this going?” Sebastian held out his wrist and pointed to it.

“Oh that will look nice there,” the old man nodded. He started drawing the line work in a light red to get a basic idea. “So, you a cat person or dog person?”

“Cat,” Ciel answered for him.

“Ho ho, cat daddy! Not a lot of fellows into cats,” he relined with purple.

“Actually,” Sebastian cleared his throat. “I like all animals, I just like cats slightly more.” Ciel leaned forward and pulled the ankle of Sebastian’s slacks up.

“Hey look,” he showed off the black socks with grey tabbies on them. The tattooist laughed.

“I like him,” he pointed to Ciel. “Small but feisty!” he let go of Sebastian’s arm. “Take a look at that, is it placed right? Want any changes?”

“Nope,” Sebastian smiled and admired the design.

“Okay, cause once I ink I can’t wipe that off,” he pulled out black bottles and packets of needles. Sebastian’s eyes widened.

“You’ll be fine! Once you get one, you’ll want another, trust me,” Ciel kissed the top of his head.

“If not him, trust me,” the artist cackled.

“It’s not that I haven’t thought of getting tattoos, I just never really pursued it.”

“Everyone decorates their bodies differently,” he brought the needle a few centimeters from Sebastian’s arm. “I’ll do a small line here, so you get a feel for it.” Sebastian nodded and cautiously watched the ink go into his skin. “There, not bad right?”

“Not at all,” Sebastian laughed. “Wow, I thought it would be worse!”

Sebastian’s tattoo barely took any time to complete, before they knew it Ciel was the one in the chair. Ciel held his wrist out and indicated he wanted his design there. Sebastian frowned not liking what he saw.

“What colors are you thinking?”

“The flames like yellow or orange? I want the star blue.”

“You like blue? Couldn’t tell,” he pulled out the colorful bottles. “Bright, dark, pastel?”

“Bright! Primary blue!” he nodded excitedly. The artist picked through colors and checked to see which bottles were full.

“Hmm, I have some more blues in the back, hold on,” he shuffled away. Sebastian pointed to Ciel’s wrist.

“What’s that?” his mouth pressed in a thin line. Ciel sighed.

“As you can see they’re white and old,” Ciel glared at the smooth lines littering his wrist. “Funny, you never noticed them before. I almost could have gone without ever telling you.”

“Well, I want to know,” his warm eyes softened. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice.”

“No, no. Part of why I’m getting this tattoo is to cover it up, I don’t like seeing pity on people’s faces when they know. It was a nasty habit, but I’m moving on.”

“So you thought of this tattoo for a while?” Ciel nodded. “Why stars?”

“Stars burn brightest in the dark,” he stated simply. “They’re always there for me.” They were interrupted by the artist shuffling back.

“Got that blue! Matches your hair even! Okay, you ready?”

“Never been more ready,” he smiled.

*

A couple weeks later…

 “Ciel!” Lizzie squealed and ran up to him. “You haven’t come to visit me in forever! I swear you’ve been even more of a shut in since Seb moved in with you!” she hugged him in a vice like grip.

“Sorry Lizzie, I’m here now,” Ciel grumbled but hugged back.

“Hey get your asses over here!” Alois yelled and waved his arms around. His sequined top shimmered even in the low light. “I ordered a round of blow jobs!” Sebastian looked horrified and Ciel patted his arm.

“Calm down, it’s just a shot,” Ciel smirked and took a seat next to Alois. “It’s fun.” Sebastian sat next to Ciel, he had to fold his legs slightly under the chair. The other three didn’t seem to have his struggle of fitting their limbs comfortably under the holographic table.

“Shots already?” Sebastian arched an eyebrow. He reached for a menu when Alois grabbed his hand.

“Dude you got inked?” he flipped Sebastian’s arm over. “Tough man! Looks cool!” Ciel covered his giggle behind his hand.

“I did too!” Ciel shoved his wrist in Alois’s face.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s expected of you,” Alois stuck his tongue out. “Besides didn’t you get a rose on your foot or something on your ass?”

“Both,” Ciel huffed. “I have a tiny male symbol on my ass.”

“Yeah, I definitely didn’t see either of those,” Sebastian spoke.

“The rose one is small and just an outline,” Ciel explained. “I’m not sure how you missed the other though, no matter how small it is.” Sebastian kept his mouth shut.

“I didn’t think Seb was the type to get ink.” Their shots were set in front of them. “Come on, let loose!” Alois, Lizzie, and Ciel all picked up their shots with their mouths and downed them. Sebastian simply picked his up with his hand and threw it back.

“Seb! You didn’t do it right!” Lizzie complained. “You missed the point of it!”

“I thought the point was to drink it,” Sebastian set his glass back down. “Keep in mind I do work tomorrow,” he warned.

“Don’t worry I won’t let you get too shit faced,” Ciel winked. Sebastian shook his head and looked over the drink menu. He blushed reading the names of the drinks. Pop my cherry, tight snatch, dick sucker, creamy pussy, ass, screaming orgasm, ect.

“I never knew so many drinks were so…vulgar,” he pushed his glasses back up.

“Of course not! You’re probably a beer and whiskey man right?” Alois mocked. “Get me my beer and nacho chips and don’t bother me when the game’s on,” he puffed his chest out and flexed his thin arms. “I’ll work this off at the gym.” Ciel snorted and shoved Alois. Sebastian pouted and threw the menu back on the table.

“I’m nothing like that.”

“He isn’t,” Lizzie insisted. “You know it, you’re just jealous cause you’re a twinky boy.” Alois’s jaw dropped as he feigned  hurt.

“What does that make you then? Did everyone hear her? Domestic abuse in public!”

“I don’t know what she sees in you,” Ciel shook his blue bangs.

“An icon, duh!” Alois rolled his eyes. The lights flickered signaling the show was to start soon. “I’ll order up some more drinks, what are we having?”

“Blue long island ice tea is the special of the day?” Ciel flashed a smile. “I want one!”

“Oh god!” Lizzie hid behind her hands. “You are not driving tonight, not with that order!”

“Agreed,” Ciel shooed Alois away. “Go, get me my drank!”

“Bossy,” Alois complained. “Is he this difficult with you Seb?” Sebastian chuckled and Ciel glared.

“My lips are sealed,” Sebastian joked.

“Hey Al, get me that cupcake drink you had last time and a water,” Lizzie checked her phone. “Okay I’m only having one more drink now, I should be sober to drive later.”

“I think you’re the only responsible one here,” Sebastian patted her on her lightly freckled shoulder.

“I’m used to it, besides I can’t keep up with these two if I tried!” Alois made his way to the bar. Bard and a few other servers were stationed behind it, busily pouring a rainbow of drinks. Ciel lowered his voice and leaned into the table. Sebastian and Lizzie followed suit.

“Have you heard from Vi at all? I’m worried about them,” Ciel picked at the corner of a menu. “I think they’ve been released by now. I want to visit, but I don’t know if Vi wants people around.”

“You should visit!” Lizzie agreed. “Vi needs to know people do care about them!” Alois broke the somber mood by shouting across the floor.

“Hey Seb! Are you a yeehaw gay?” Sebastian blinked in confusion.

“Umm…what?” Alois smiled and nodded. “What is he up to?” A variety of drinks were placed on a rainbow serving platter. Alois grabbed it with both hands and steadied it against his chest as he made his way back to the table.

“What is all of this?” Lizzie grumbled picking up her water and hot pink colored drink. “You cleared out the bar!” Alois set a towering blue drink in front of Ciel as well as two shots. He set a tequila sunrise and a single shot in front of Sebastian. He set creamy beige shot and a multilayered vibrant drink that mirrored the height of Ciel’s drink in front of himself. He grabbed a deep purple shot that was identical to one of Ciel’s shots.

“Purple drank!” Alois raised his shot as did Ciel. They threw them both back and howled afterwards.

“This is why no one wants to go out for drinks with you two,” Lizzie laughed. “Such weirdos.”

“You know whenever Ciel says he wants a ‘drank’ we have to get purple dranks!” Alois defended. He picked up his creamy shot, whipped cream dribbled down the glass. “It’s basic bitch season! I can’t pass up a pumpkin spice white Russian!” Sebastian picked up his shot and clinked it to Ciel and Alois’s next shots.

“Cheers!” Ciel nodded. Sebastian set his empty shot glass down.

“Good call on whatever that was,” Sebastian noted. “When I do shots they’re nothing fancy like these.”

“So you enjoyed your cock sucking cowboy?” Alois’s turquoise eyes sparkled. Sebastian choked on his tall drink. “I knew you would! After all you like this cock sucker,” Alois ruffled Ciel’s hair.

“Hey! Don’t say that!” Ciel blushed.

“It’s not a bad thing, I think the dick community is grateful for people like you,” Alois slapped his hand on the table laughing.

“What is he talking about?” Sebastian’s interest was piqued. “I know you said you’ve had other partners before.”

“I was young and horny, let’s leave it at that,” Ciel slugged down his drink too embarrassed to do much else.

“This guy, wow the thirst was real!” Alois gripped Ciel’s shoulder and shook him around. “He used to be a regular at the glory hole. Every weekend was spent on his knees!” _Oh my god, if you weren’t my best friend, I’d murder you!_

“I was not and not every weekend my god!” Ciel went as red as the bottom of Sebastian’s drink. “It was just, a handful of times…”

“A handful? Both hands! Full of dick! I love this boy!” Alois was starting to slur his words. His eyes twinkled, clearly intoxicated.

“I’m not going to judge you Ciel,” Sebastian’s hand found his. “I’d be a hypocrite if I did.”

“I’m all for sex positivity but can we please drop the subject,” Lizzie whined. “I don’t want to picture any cocks pumping into my cousin’s mouth, thank you very much!” They all laughed and turned towards the stage when a heavy bass line blared through the speakers. A voluptuous platinum blonde took the stage. Her shiny, inky leather clung to her full hips. She strutted to the center, breast bouncing in their barely contained top. Ciel laughed under the loud bass. _Now is my chance to embarrass Al!_  

“Hey Al remember when you were after Hannah?” Ciel playfully shoved him almost knocking him out of his seat.

“Give me a break, it was the first time I saw a burlesque show, I was young and I thought I was in love.”

“Yeah with her tits, they fucking defy gravity,” Ciel admired her cat-like moves as she crawled on all fours and tossed her hair back.

“You had a thing with her?” Sebastian looked at Hannah and Lizzie, comparing the two. They were polar opposites, rough and soft.

“Nah, she’s a total carpet muncher, didn’t stop me from making a fool of myself though.”

“He was so heart broken when he found out,” Ciel tsked.  

“Yeah but I got my revenge by looking better than her in drag.” Lizzie shook her head.

“I signed up for a boyfriend, I didn’t know I was getting a diva too.”

“Oh honey, you had to have known!”

“Wow,” Sebastian’s jaw dropped. He stared at an exotic looking woman that entered stage left. “Oh! I didn’t mean it! I-“

“It’s okay Seb, you think she’s pretty?” Ciel smirked and Sebastian nodded. “I think so too, she is the best money maker here, well besides the drinks.” The woman opened her short tiger print kimono, what she had on underneath was practically three black squares and some string.

“Oh?” he couldn’t look away from her jiggling around, tossing her long, braided ebony hair.

“Yeah she’s the owner’s sister,” Alois downed another shot he had apparently grabbed off a server’s tray when they walked by and giggled. He shoved another shot over to Ciel, who happily took it. Lizzie tapped on her phone, playing a game on it.

“Really? He’s fine with her up there like that?” he finally adverted his eyes.

“I didn’t know you were such a prude Seb,” Alois joked.

“I’m not, just I don’t know, I guess I’m protective,” he took a sip of his bright, fruity drink.

“Believe me we have great security here. Especially for the girls and queens,” Lizzie cut in still staring at her screen.

“She always draws in a crowd, guys seem to have this thing for Asians and big tits. So when you’ve got both, guys will just throw all their money at you.”

“I just got to go piss, I’ll be right back,” Ciel announced.

“Okay,” Sebastian smiled at his boyfriend.

Ciel stood, he knocked into his chair slightly and giggled. He hadn’t realized how tipsy he had gotten as he stumbled his way to the bathroom. The rainbow of posters decorating the wall seemed to sway. He found the nearest stall and shut it. The muffled dance music suddenly became louder. _Fuck, someone else came in too._ He waited for them to leave, which didn’t seem like anytime soon. He sighed and worked up his courage as he left the stall. _This is Revamp, not a regular public bathroom. You’ll be fine. Everything’s fine._ He tried not to make eye contact with the other man, just washed his hands silently. He felt eyes on him as he shook his hands dry. Violet, contact covered eyes met with his natural blue. _Aleistor_. He never had any interactions with the man, but he knew of his reputation.

 “Well, what do we have here? Not a lot of cute little twinks on nights like these,” he blocked the exit door and eyed Ciel like prey. He flashed his overly whitened teeth and leaned forward, invading Ciel’s space.

“Excuse me, I’m just trying to get through,” Ciel tried to push Aleistor only for him to be shoved back until he hit a stall door. Aleistor grabbed his small shoulders and pinned him to the spot. He was stronger than he looked, then again this wasn’t his first attempt at overpowering someone.

 “So cute and innocent,” he pressed himself against Ciel. Ciel started to sweat and tried to wiggle away from the older man. His breathe caught in his throat.

“Please just let me go, I’m not interested,” he begged and turned his head away.

“But look how you blush my little robin, you must have something on your mind,” he brought his botched, pinched nose to Ciel’s blue strands and sniffed. “You smell like heaven my little dove.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking of getting back to my boyfriend,” Ciel tried voice wavering. _Maybe that can scare him off._

“But he isn’t here now is he robin?” His overly injected lips kissed up Ciel’s neck. His hands slid to grope Ciel’s ass. Ciel squeaked and tried to kick a leg out. The music grew louder, the bang of the exit door hitting the wall echoed.  

“Stop it!” a gravelly voice yelled. “Hey! I said let go now!” a large hand pulled Aleistor away from Ciel. Bard scowled, looking like he wanted to snap his neck.

 “Oh my, come to make your claim? You should keep a better eye on this prize.” Bard grabbed Aleistor by the collar and spit in his face.

“I SAID LEAVE!” Aleistor sighed unphased by being handled roughly. “You were banned for a reason! Come back again and I won’t hesitant to call the police!”

“What a brute, hope you have fun with your bear,” he huffed and walked away. Ciel shook with adrenaline. Bard’s face softened and he offered a hand.

“Are you okay? I came as soon as I could, I don’t know who would have let that…pig in here!”

“Yeah, thanks to you Bard,” Ciel stumbled toward Bard and hugged him tight. He was sure Bard could feel his heart pounding into his ribcage.

“Okay kid, let’s get you back to your group,” they walked back to the table. Bard kept an arm wrapped around Ciel, part for protection and part to keep Ciel upright.

“Ciel, why were you gone so long? What happened?” Sebastian stood up so fast his chair almost fell over. Ciel dashed into Sebastian and hung onto him like a koala. He buried his face into Sebastian’s shirt and inhaled his scent. He hummed contentedly and ignored Sebastian’s question. 

“The village creep was hassling Ciel, I took care of it though,” Bard replied for him. “Makes me sick that guys like that are still out there, isn’t that what tinder and grindr are for?” he grumbled.

 “Thank you,” Sebastian nodded. Alois and Lizzie said their thanks as well.

“Hey it’s my job,” he shrugged. “Even if it wasn’t, I’m just being a decent human being. Well I have to get back to the bar,” he gave a toothy smile and waved.

“It’s getting late you want us to drop you home?” Lizzie offered. “They won’t mind if you leave the car here, Ciel does it all the time.”

“Yeah, thanks Lizzie,” he ruffled Ciel’s hair. “Ready to go home?”

“Mhm,” Ciel clung to Sebastian as they made their way to the car. He helped Ciel into the backseat and slid in after him. Ciel giggled and slumped into Sebastian, he kissed up Sebastian’s neck sloppily. “That creep thought I was an innocent little twink, I wish he could see me prove him wrong.”

“Shh, don’t talk like that,” Sebastian blushed.

“What? I wouldn’t really want anyone to watch us, unless you wanted it.”

“No!”

Alois and Lizzie laughed, “You’re going to have your hands full with that one. He always gets like that when he’s drunk.”

“I’m beginning to realize that.” Ciel rubbed his hands all over Sebastian’s chest and stomach.

“I think you need to claim me, get rid of anything that creep left behind. You’re so strong and hard, my knight in shining armor.” Sebastian rolled his eyes.

“Please stop talking, you’re embarrassing me.”

“You’ll have to gag me. I know something you could use,” Ciel squeezed Sebastian’s dick through his dark slacks.

“Okay, we’re not doing or saying anything until we’re home, okay?” Sebastian went strawberry red.

“Told you the thrist was real with this one,” Alois giggled and hiccupped. They pulled up to the house. Sebastian got out and picked up Ciel, not wanting him to fall in his drunken state. Alois pressed his face against the window looking like he’d pass out any second.

“Hey Seb, you owe me. Next time I get shit faced you’re driving,” Lizzie stated and looked over at her own drunken mess of a boyfriend.

“I am so sorry, and it’s a deal,” Sebastian nodded. Sebastian carried Ciel in and dropped him on the bed. “What am I to do with you?” he shook his head. Ciel’s cheeks were flushed red with alcohol, eyes heavy, hazy with lust.

“I have some ideas,” Ciel grabbed Sebastian’s shirt tugged him on to the bed. His hands frantically ripped Sebastian’s shirt off. He gave him a sloppy, wet kiss and trailed down his neck. His hands wandered up Sebastian’s thighs and towards the fly of his pants. He struggled with the button and huffed in frustration. He tried pulling, hoping the button would just pop off.

“Whoa, slow down!” Sebastian cupped Ciel’s face in both hands. “Why the rush?”

“S-sorry, I can’t help it,” Ciel slurred. He removed Sebastian’s hands from his face and ripped his own shirt off, then threw it across the room. He pulled at his binder, but couldn’t get it to even budge. Sebastian chuckled and grabbed the bottom of the binder.

“Let me?” Ciel nodded and lifted his arms up while Sebastian pulled the binder off. As soon as it was off Ciel shucked off pants off along with his underwear. Not embarrassed or ashamed at all in his naked state.

“You’re enthusiastic today,” Sebastian noted and appreciated this new side of Ciel. He hesitantly ran his hands up Ciel’s ribs, expecting Ciel to swat his hands away. A smile crossed his face when he wasn’t pushed away.

“I’m sorry, I’m just…I’m horny and I-I need you,” Ciel leaned into Sebastian’s shoulder, resting his head. Sebastian brushed his thumbs under Ciel’s breasts before flicking over each nipple. He moaned and bit down hard on Sebastian’s shoulder.

“Fuck! C-Ciel,” he pulled him into his lap, Ciel ground against his thigh. His eyes were closed tight, hands moving frantically, unsure where to place them. He kept biting at Sebastian’s shoulder and up his neck hard enough to leave little hickies. Sebastian unbuttoned and unzipped his uncomfortably tight pants. As soon as he shifted to try to start taking them off, Ciel flipped them. Sebastian hit the mattress with a hard thud. Ciel tugged Sebastian’s pants and boxers off with enough force that he stumbled off the bed. Sebastian quickly grabbed a condom from the end table, knowing Ciel was too far gone to think ahead if he decided they should fuck. Ciel climbed on top of him and licked down his abdominals before taking his cock in his mouth. He moaned as he took Sebastian as far as he could down his throat. “H-hey, Yo-ou don’t need to do that,” Sebastian yanked his hair, pulled him off, and tried to steady his breathing. Ciel looked at him with dilated eyes and licked his lips. He moved up and groped at Sebastian’s thighs, waiting for him to say something. When he didn’t Ciel raked his short nails down Sebastian’s legs as if he didn’t have all of Sebastian’s attention already.

“Fuck, I really want to ride you,” Ciel eyed him like a hungry tiger. Sebastian held is hands up signaling Ciel to wait. Sebastian tore open the package and rolled the condom on. Ciel bit his lip as he watched.

“Okay, I-I’m ready,” he swallowed nervously. Ciel hovered over him for a second.

“Okay?” Ciel grabbed his thick cock and positioned it against his entrance. Sebastian nodded and Ciel slowly sank down on him. “Aah-hh Seb!” he gripped on to Sebastian’s biceps and panted.

“Does…does it hurt?” Sebastian grit his teeth. He didn’t want to hurt him again but it felt so wonderfully tight and warm. He was answered when Ciel raised himself up before slamming back down hard and moaning louder. He bit his lip and just sat with Sebastian fully buried into him for a moment. Ciel widen his stance a little. Sebastian took note this time that Ciel had a tiny black outline of a daisy high on his inner thigh.

“No p-pain,” he circled his hips and groaned. “You’re so big ahhh!” It was a tight but comfortable fit. He slowly started pumping his hips and snuck a hand down to rub at his swollen arousal. “Seb, fuck! You’re perfect!”His other hand scratched at Sebastian’s abs, leaving little red trails. He pulsed around Sebastian and began to ride him harder. His toes curled as he thumbed at his clit, so close to falling over the edge when Sebastian grabbed his hips and stopped him. Both were panting as they stared at each other. “What?”

“Just, just stop…for a minute,” Sebastian begged. Ciel squirmed but a firm hold was kept on his hips.

“Why?” he whined.

“If you keep…I don’t want to cum yet,” Sebastian pulled him up, both groaned when his cock popped out of the tight sheath. “Let me just focus on you right now okay?” He flipped them over so Ciel was under him. He then turned Ciel and pulled him up to his hands and knees. Ciel gripped the sheets to try to find his balance as his head spun. “If you don’t like this please tell me to stop, I just want to try something.” Ciel was going to ask what he was talking about when a sharp sting came to his ass. He didn’t even register the sound till the second strike. “This okay?” he asked self-consciously, though his slaps were confident. He roughly groped and massaged the red cheeks before landing another blow. Ciel finally moaned out his approval. “You like this?” Slap.

“Auugh, yes!” Ciel pushed his ass closer to Sebastian. There was no way Sebastian missed the small tattoo on his ass this time. “Please!” Sebastian delivered a few more blows before pulling Ciel’s bottom even higher. Ciel’s thighs were shaking and he was so wet he was dripping. Sebastian licked at his folds and sucked his clit before traveling back to his hole. He spread the thick cheeks circled his hole with his tongue. “Mmhm ohhh!” Ciel scrambled to grab the sheets, anything to ground himself. Sebastian stopped and gave Ciel a moment to compose himself. He grabbed the small vile of lube off the end table. He kissed Ciel’s temple and down his neck. Ciel almost purred.

“Enjoying yourself?” he teased. Ciel only nodded before flopping his face back into the mattress. Sebastian chuckled and coated his fingers. He rubbed against the hole and slowly dipped one finger in. Ciel soon started fucking himself on the single digit so Sebastian added a second finger. Ciel made a noise that was a mixture of pleasure and pain. “Are you okay?” Ciel’s response was muffled but his hand traveled down to tug at his clit as he dripped on the sheets. Sebastian took it as an okay and began scissoring his fingers. He was half tempted to use his other hand to fist at his painfully engorged cock. But he knew he’d have trouble lasting as is with Ciel’s behavior that night. Ciel was already steadily pumping himself and crying out. Just as Sebastian is about to add a third finger Ciel stopped him.

“No,” Ciel moaned. “You! I need you!” tears streaked his cheeks. His lips were puffy and red from biting them.

“Okay, okay babe,” Sebastian lined himself up and poured more lube on his dick just to be safe. He pushed in as slow as he could. Ciel arched his back and pushed himself towards Sebastian.

“Oh god! Seb d-don’t st-op!” Ciel took it upon himself to start moving, pounding into Sebastian’s pelvis. If Sebastian though Ciel was enthusiastic earlier, this was on a whole new level. “Seb, fuck I lo-ove you!” Sebastian smiled, maybe it was a slip up, but it was still nice to hear. “Ahh! I’m cl-close! Cum with me Se-b!” he tightened up and whined as his orgasm hit. Sebastian dug his fingers into his small hips as Ciel contracted around him. It only took a few more deep thrusts before he followed. He pulled Ciel’s back up against his chest as he emptied inside of him. He kissed his shoulder and nuzzled into his neck.

“I love you too, I love you so much.” Ciel was already starting to drift off when he pulled out. He gently laid him on the bed, found Ciel’s underwear on the floor and put them on for him knowing Ciel would be uncomfortable waking up completely naked. “Next time I’m not letting you drink that much though,” he laughed. Ciel was snoring away. Head not even properly on the pillow. Sebastian cleaned up and grabbed a pair of pajama pants and a t shirt to wear. He thought of getting a shirt for Ciel but figured it would be too hard to dress him. He climbed into bed and snuggled up with his boyfriend. “You’re going to have such a hangover tomorrow,” he chuckled.


End file.
